Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve: Blocking Group Names

With blocking groups finalized last week (or many moons ago, if you’re an upperclassman), you probably thought that the chapter of your life focused on signing a contract with the College designating an arbitrarily sized group of people as your favorites was over. Well, you were wrong: now, it’s time for regrets. Not your choice of blockmates — we’re not rude enough to call you out on that — but your choice of blocking group name.

We’re sure that you and your blockmates thought yourselves very clever for managing to fuse all of your initials into a somewhat intelligible acronym (and you might be), but you could have done so much better. We hate to see so much potential wasted year over year, so here’s a few suggestions for you to forever compare to your (inferior) blocking group name. (Or, hey, maybe you’ll use one of these in the rising senior and junior housing lotteries.)

Roblox

For the students with range, able to ace their test after spending the night playing Dress to Impress and creating impeccable Total Drama Island recreations. Using this name would have made you basically a brand ambassador, and therefore likely to experience the total fame and admiration associated with the game company. So, now you’ve just lost your opportunity to get, or become, the gamer girls on campus.

Jenny from the Block

Did you used to have a little, but want to have a lot (i.e. you no longer want a double where you are literally sleeping on top of your roommate)? This name would have been for you. Funky, fresh, and with JLo on your side, this name would have elevated your living situation towards the bigger and better. You would have made the money and gotten the mansion in the Housing Lottery — even though people would have constantly asked you which one of you was named Jenny (or Jenni, which would be cooler).

Blochannalia

Fiending for Lowell? The college admissions process should have taught you well: If you demonstrated your interest early enough in the process by naming your blocking group after the House event of the year, blue men and bell towers would have been in your future.

Johann Sebastian Block

Musically talented? Aiming for an in-tune House, such as Dunster with their extensive artistic history, Leverett with its library theater, or Eliot with its new Tiny Desk musical series? Know who Johann even is? This name was for you. Cue Cello Suite No. 1 in G Minor (you know this one, trust).

Bloque

If you were aiming for a more classy upperclassman living situation, furnished with couches and throw pillows to match, this name would have served you well. After seeing this name the Housing Gods would have refused to place you in the tragedy recognized as Cronkhite; only Claverly Hall, with its marble embellishments, would have been suitable for you. But alas, now you’ll have to live with the plebes.

Blog

Of course, this name is a homage to the only blog that matters. We presume you know which one you mean, since you’re on its website right now. If you had been wise enough to imbue your blocking group with the sacred spirit of the best website on earth, then perhaps the Housing Gods would have smiled upon you. Too late now, though.

Blawk Blawk

Just as the prices of eggs are going up, the quality of your housing would have as well if you had used this name. You should have capitalized (haha get it) on this inpflation (not a typo, iykyk) like a true finance kid.

New Kids on the Block

Your blocking group will be the new kids on the block after this Housing Day, so you should have embraced it while also demonstrating your wonderful music taste.

Brick

You forgot to remind the administrators at the Harvard College Housing Office about your desperate desire to have brick walls, so you’re now fated to spend the rest of your years in concrete (ete, ete, ete). Let’s hope you survive the jungle.

Sphere

You don't believe in cubes. And guess what has four corners? Quad successfully avoided (but not by you, loser).

We assume that the perfectionist in you is now bawling at having ruined your entire life and Harvard experience. Unfortunately, you’ve passed the point of no return, so you’ll have to move on as best you can, if that’s even possible. To save yourself strife in the future, you should probably just consult us on all major (and minor) life decisions — hope this helps, thanks!