Ways to Rig the Blocking System

Freshman year at Harvard is full of milestones, and we’re fast approaching an exciting one: Housing Day. Your House (purportedly) determines your social life, career prospects, and self-worth for the next three years, after all. I mean, imagine the horror of not being placed in your Berg crush’s House.

Before scores of eager freshmen learn which House will be their home for the next three years, though, they must wrestle with the ultimate, college-experience-defining, all-consuming question of blocking.

Whom do you let into your group? Whom do you exclude, and why? Should you just block with your pset group?

All around Annenberg tables, freshmen have turned away from their consulting club comps and are instead consulting horoscopes for the secret, magical blocking group that will manifest the House they desperately want. Here are a few of the ways you might be able to rig the Housing system through your blocking group. Ethical? Maybe not. Effective? You bet. Well, maybe.

Groups of Eight Get River Houses

One group of enterprising social butterflies in Berg was loudly confident that a block of precisely eight freshmen is guaranteed a River House. If that’s the case, all of you smaller groups need to get moving. Rove through Berg tables looking for lonely souls to enlist in your block and reach this magic number. Shamelessly slide invitations underneath peoples’ doorways. Pub to your dorm mailing lists. We have the utmost faith you’ll manage to find your eighth member.

Single-Gender Groups Get Quadded

Sidechat has struck again. Anonymous posters claim that groups of only one gender end up in the Quad, and fearful freshmen are taking this rumor to heart and frantically diversifying their blocking groups as we speak. What to do? Should you find your situationship at Berg and see if they’re down to block? Maybe this is just a sign to shoot your shot. What’s the worst that can happen? Being stuck in a House with someone you never want to see again? Pfft. Worth it for the river.

Have a Faculty Kid in Your Group

You can’t exactly fake being the son or daughter of a faculty dean, but if you have someone with those sweet, sweet connections in your group, you’re all set. See, networking really is good for something!

Donate a Library to Your Favorite House

Kickstart your expressions of gratitude (attempts to have something named for you at Harvard) and donate! Offer to pay for renovations, buy some Febreze for the Winthrop dhall, or build an aesthetic new library on your parents’ dime for the house of your dreams, and you’re guaranteed to get in. (Don’t cheap out — make sure you budget for double-pane windows.)

If you accelerate the Eliot renovations, maybe you can live there next year instead of in swing housing! Or, if studying isn’t your thing and you think libraries are overrated, generously fund longer HUDS hours solely for your top-choice House. If you can extend hot breakfast and grant later dinners to the residents of a House, you’ll be their new favorite person. Who said philanthropy had to wait until after graduation?

So there you have it — some dubious morals aside, these methods could lead to you getting into the greatest House ever. And if you choose not to rig your group and block the old-fashioned way, well, may the Housing lottery be ever in your favor…