How to Get Your Own Taylor Swift Travis Kelce Relationship in Time for Harvard-Yale

With Harvard-Yale just around the corner and cuffing season in full swing, there’s no better time to secure a relationship. However, instead of settling for just any old relationship (based on boring things like love, mutual interests, and chemistry), this H-Y season, aim for the relationship that will get you the most clout. And thanks to this year’s Super Bowl, we don’t have to look far for inspiration. If you’re anything like me and my friends, watching Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce embrace after his iconic win had you thinking: “Wow, maybe I should date an athlete” or “Can I find a hockey boyfriend in time for Beanpot?”.

Thankfully, Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s relationship gives us the blueprint for something even better than a hug after a Super Bowl win: congratulating your partner after winning Harvard-Yale, our very own version of the Super Bowl.

Step 1: Find a niche

If you really want to make the most of your clout-seeking relationship, you will need to be successful enough that people are watching you. Because Taylor Swift is a mega-popstar, Grammy award-winning mega-pop star, people are interested in who she is dating and what she is up to. If you want to have a big camera moment of your own at Harvard-Yale moment, you need to make people notice you. Luckily, this is Harvard, so your options are endless. You could join The Crimson and write an investigative piece behind Dean Khurana’s Instagram: “Really Him, or Is There a Publicist Behind it All?”. Or, if you’re feeling up to it, get to the bottom of the transformative experience; this just-in: “Transformative Experience is a Hoax”.

If writing isn’t your thing, you could always follow in Taylor’s footsteps and join one of the million a cappella groups on campus. If Pitch Perfect has taught us anything, you would not be the first to vocally percuss yourself into a relationship. Or you could join a consulting club like CBE or HCCG and work your way to the top. As a board member, you’ll have the attention of all the compers desperate to join. If you’re funny (or, at the very least, funny for a Harvard student), you can hop on Sidechat and make your way up the leaderboard. Hundreds of thousands of points in karma is a sure way to achieve celebrity status.

Step 2: Date. A lot.

Between psets and your Hum 10 readings, it may be difficult to find the time to meet people… but this is an essential part of getting your big moment at Harvard-Yale. Remember quantity over quality, and the messier, the better. So, if you’ve ever had a crush on someone in your pset group or the annoying section kid makes a move, now is your time. Similarly, if you've just been letting your Datamatches go unmatched (c’mon it’s been months), take action. Get your free Berryline (and free content) and get out there!

Step 3: Your life is your content

Now that you’ve found your niche, it’s time for your relationship and niche to go hand in hand. Maybe mention your latest date in a riff-off between the Radcliffe Pitches and the Opportunes: bonus points if they’re in the competing club. If you choose consulting as your niche, include an anecdote about newfound trust issues in your weekly slide deck, or better yet, on a call with your client. As a member on the Sidechat leaderboard, you have the perfect opportunity to talk about your ex (or exes, if you’re doing it right) as often as you want. And if you’re a Crimson writer, you’ll have ample opportunities to detail your last relationships, just as long as you subtly work them into your latest article.

Step 4: Find a partner with a niche very different from yours

This is the most crucial step. Your partner’s niche must be so different from yours that it leaves people wondering how you even met. Your partner must be equally successful at their chosen activity, preferably football if you want that Harvard-Yale moment. It is imperative that you both embody the same power-couple aesthetic that Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce have, or the cameras might just miss you.

Step 5: THE GAME

Now that you have manufactured the perfect relationship, it is time for the 30-second clip to capture all that affection. You’ll ideally attend the game with another successful friend who is also completely uninterested in football. In other words, find your Ice Spice. You’ll convince everyone of your true love by celebrating your partner’s win while your friend wonders why she agreed to come to this. Make sure you drag it out when Harvard inevitably wins the game. Instead of rushing to your partner’s side, let it linger to build suspense. You want people to wonder where you are, just before you appear for that award-winning hug.

It’s easy to get lost in GenEd readings and forget that a little drama keeps everyone on their toes. So this college football season, block out November in your Google calendar and stir up your own drama.