Eight Harvard Things More Foolish than April Fools’ Day

April 1st, the day to commemorate the wisdom and comedic prowess of humanity, is upon us. Whether you unknowingly wake up to your toilet freshly Saran wrapped or experience random strangers kicking you out of the blue, it’s bound to be an adventurous day! And while we might all be watching our backs for our roommate’s next practical joke, why not cozy up against a nice wall or some other protective surface and discover who/what is even more foolish than you — not just today but every day of the year.

1. Wellness Days (A Fool’s Paradise)

We didn’t ask for them, but here they are, and they’re almost as sus as the pat on the back your best friend gave you this morning. It could be any random day of the week and SURPRISE, no class. Time to completely bask in physical and mental wellness. Unfortunately, I have three psets, two essays, six exams, and a decathlon to win tomorrow, our next wellness day. I suppose I’ll settle for being well when I retire, or when the semester ends, whichever comes first.

P.S. That’s why you’re being kicked by randos in the Square. The sign on your back (yes it's there) says kick me ;)

2. Unnecessarily Pretentious Harvard Lingo (What Fools these Mortals be)

From tutors and teaching fellows to concentrations and citations, Harvard lingo has its students looking like elitist fools to normal non-Harvard folks. It’s almost a practical joke every time we describe our ~transformative Harvard experience~ to family and friends. If only the world could understand what I mean when I explain that my proctor busted a gathering in the entryway upstairs right before Housing Day, and the whole blocking group might be Ad-Boarded. Foolish.

3. The Lampoon (There’s No Fool like an Old Fool)

Not much needs to be said here. The Lampoon, a semi-secret Sorrento Square social organization that used to occasionally publish a so-called humor magazine, tends to speak foolishly enough by itself. Until they stop with their juvenile antics (*cough cough* making a Twitter account for a chair), they will forever be the oldest fool at Harvard. Let’s be honest, even that likely could not save them from themselves.

4. Imposter Syndrome (A Fool’s Errand)

As one of the most understated and untalked about tragedies at Harvard, the infamous imposter syndrome has a fool to make of us all. Even though some internal demon periodically tries to convince you that Harvard is too good for you, it’s false because some important and smart people at 86 Brattle Street said so. Don’t question it. YOU’RE too GOOD for THAT. You 100% should be at Harvard even when you feel like a big fool :)

5. Midterms That Aren’t Mid-Term (Played for a Fool)

To all the brilliant STEM kids at Harvard, this one’s especially for you. Whether it’s in Chem 27, Math 21a, or LS1b, the concept of one midterm is merely the shadow of a dream you’ve never had because it’s so unrealistic. It’s not that the syllabus didn’t warn you there’d be multiple exams, but it’s not like your ideal med school cares about your suffering, either.

Any STEM Professor ever: “Let’s call them midterms, but make like ten of them in one term! Time to play those fools like Tom Brady played the Bucs!”

6. Yale (I Pity the Fool)

How could Yale — an institution based predominantly on Harvard’s own foolishness — possibly escape its fate as our pitied fool? We saved the best for last to ensure this huge fool couldn’t be you, a less foolish Harvard student. Was Yale founded on April 1st? Because that’d be the best April Fools’ joke in the history of the Ivy League. No, it’d be the most wondrous joke in the history of college as a concept.

7. HAPPY APRIL FOOLS (There is a Foolish Corner in the Mind of the Wisest Man)

There are only seven. GOTCHA!

Wishing you all a beautifully chaotic April Fools’ Day. Good luck and remember to check the toilet!