Harvard’s Reign of Terror
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Life is full of change. Semesters end in the blink of an eye, friends come and go, and my future career options change with every week. Change is good, I’m told, and I’ve come to accept this.
However, I cannot keep up Harvard’s constantly evolving political stance on grass in the Yard.
You see, I grew up in Sunny Florida, home to old people, alligators, and copious amounts of venezuelan food. Florida has warm weather year-long, so our grass stays green even during the worst of winter.
Harvard, however, seems to be unable to make up its mind as to the grass in the yard. One week, Harvard is using ‘organic’ fertilizer—probably just poop mixed with old plants—to encourage grass growth. Then the next week, Harvard does something to hurt its grass.
Two weeks ago, for example, I was walking to my class in Sever when I noticed a loud machine drilling holes into the grass in Tercentenary Theatre. Why? Good question. I’m no expert in grassology, but I expect Harvard just really hates grass and was trying to hurt its feelings.
Then, just last week, esteemed Flyby writer Kyle E. O’Hara ’18 snapped this picture of violence being inflicted upon a poor, unassuming patch of grass.
We talk a lot about socioeconomic inequality at Harvard, but we should also talk about how Harvard unevenly favors some grass plots over others. Take a look at this gross example of shameless favoritism:
Harvard, this Reign of Terror has to stop. All grass is created equal, and obvious displays of hatred or favoritism will be met with resistance.
The truth will come out eventually.