Planning Ahead: When to Get Snipped

It’s March Madness, and we all know what that means—illegal office pools, Duke losses, Harvard upsets, and, of course, the famed March Madness vasectomy. Wait, what? That’s right, it’s a trend—men throughout the country are getting their vas deferens snipped at the beginning of the annual college basketball tournament, giving them the opportunity to sit back, stay home from work, and watch all the college basketball they could possibly want. In the spirit of the March Madness vasectomy, here are some suggestions for other potential pairings.

The post-Thanksgiving vasectomy
Tired of coming home from work and fighting for those prized turkey leftovers? A vasectomy right around Turkey Day not only allows you to forage for both the dark AND white meat, but also lets you do your Cyber Monday shopping from the comfort of your couch. And you'll you earn some well-deserved sympathy when it’s time to get those Christmas decorations out of the attic!

The House of Cards vasectomy
Netflix has pioneered the technique of releasing all 13 episodes of a season at midnight (Pacific time, unfortunately). Unfortunately, most people do not really have 13 hours to spend watching the next steps in the Frank Underwood saga, meaning they are left in the dust around the office water cooler as interns boast about how they finished the show in one night. The House of Cards vasectomy keeps you away from those spoilers and gives you the opportunity to look smart on your first day back at work.

The Shark Week vasectomy
This one needs no explanation (besides maybe a link to the “official unofficial countdown for Shark Week 2014”). There's nothing like watching creatures with sharp teeth rip into things as you recover from your snip. Bonus: this one is somewhat flexible, considering that the last four Shark Weeks are now streaming on Netflix.

The Dominos 50% Off Pizza Week vasectomy
Patients of this year's March Madness vasectomies certainly took advantage of this category as well, since Dominos took the opening rounds of the NCAA tournament as a prime time to reintroduce the special they initially rolled out in January.  To get this one right, you might need someone on the inside of the Dominoes Powers That Be to tip you off when they next plan to roll out this promotion.

The Finals Period vasectomy
This is probably the most relevant for our demographic (although we’re hoping this article will help us cut into Golf Digest’s market share). You’ll definitely have some explaining to do to your girlfriend/ boyfriend/ doctor/ parents/ Ad Board, though.