Dating Advice for Short Guys and The Importance of Deodorant

Welcome back to Listen Up! Your trusted Flyby advisers—two uniquely unqualified, naïve, decidedly uninteresting juniors—are back with the latest advice and invaluable counsel.

Before we delve into the advice, we have one point to raise with some of you. You know who you are. We see you around campus, frantically gesturing in the dining halls, dozing off in lecture, nervously freaking out when your crush walks by—you clearly have problems. But don’t worry, there’s hope: just submit questions to Listen Up. Either click this link or scroll down to the google form below, and help us help you.

Speaking of which, we noticed that one of you accidentally submitted your question to Slate’s advice column Dear Prudence instead of to us. Quite frankly, we feel betrayed. We work tirelessly, night-in and night-out, forgoing our problem sets and research papers, to curate questions and perfect answers. The least that you could do is submit questions to us instead of consulting someone who actually does this kind of thing for a living.

So we’ve taken the liberty of correcting that error and giving you the response you deserve below.

The Dreaded H-Bomb: How do I tell people where I study honestly but with humility?

“How do I go about betraying my fellow classmates and go someplace else for advice?” You don’t.
“How do I submit an advice question to someone and not expect Dev and Steven to find out?” You don’t.
“How do I seek counsel anywhere other than from your campus newspaper, The “Liberal Arts College Near Boston” Crimson?” You don’t. You just don’t.

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Now on to addressing people that did the right thing and asked us questions.

I'm a pretty short guy, and I've had multiple girls tell me they can't date me because I'm "cute but too short." How can I convince them to look past my shortcomings [ha ha] and give me a chance?

First of all, we must admit, you’ve given us a tall order to fill. But don’t worry if right now, you don’t stand up to the challenge. Inching your way to top will be hard at the beginning, but one day, you’ll rise to the task. Don’t fret if at first, you fall short of your goal. We promise: one day, you’ll measure up. Soon, you’ll be a head above the rest.

But you won’t have to go at it alone. Thankfully, we have an expert here in seduction for the stunted.

Enter Steven Lee:

I have lived your situation and am here to aid you. Hey, Squirt—can I call you that?—you and I have been hearing the same spiel for years. We both peaked right before puberty hit. And then our peers kept on growing while we kept, well, being the same height.

Maybe you’re pursuing the wrong girls? You have to appreciate them for their candor in their reasoning, but don’t you think it’s a little superficial of them to be so focused on something as inconsequential as height? I mean we are so darn cute, right? If a girl only wants to date you for your height, she’s probably not the kind of person you would want to be your girlfriend.

But if you insist (or if one of these girls is Emma Watson), here are some rapid fire suggestions. 1) Jump up and down when you talk to women. At least some of the time you can seem like you're tall. 2) No one said high-heels are just for women. Some of the most powerful people in the world pad their shoes with humanity's greatest invention since the bifocals. I personally like to use the sneakers that have extra "padding." Support isn't only needed for athletes. You can inconspicuously add an inch with those bad boys. 3) And worst case scenario, if all else fails, drink a lot of milk. May I suggest with Mini-Wheats?

A man left a note on my car while I was in the grocery store that said "Hey! You are very gorgeous. Would you like to grab coffee sometime?" with their name and number on it. Should I get in touch with them?

Let us answer your question with another question. Do you enjoy dating shallow, creepy things? If so, try going out with a small puddle in a sketchy alley, because surely that is a better option than this guy. If he likes you, he should like you because of your brains, your heart, and your spirit, and be willing to say it to your face. And if he wants to take you on a date, he should at least involve more than coffee. At least grab a scone, too.

How do I create a fool proof financial arbitrage?

Nice try. We know it’s recruiting season. We’re not going to regurgitate answers to interview questions.

But given that you’re asking this question to a Flyby advice column, we can verify that your plan definitely needs to be foolproof. We might suggest aiming for a less competitive job. Like President of the Lampoon, a semi-secret Sorento square social organization that used to occasionally publish a so-called humor magazine.

I'm in this seminar class, and I'm not sure if the Professor likes my ideas very much. Even though what I say isn't very different from the other kids' ideas, they tend to get more positive remarks from her. I'm doing well on the homework, and such, but I'm worried that even though I participate a good amount in section, I might still get a lower grade because the Professor doesn't jive with my vibe, so to speak. Is this a legitimate concern?

It may have something to do with the fact that you use the phrase “jive with my vibe.”

All jokes aside, help us out, because we’re a little confused. Are you that annoying kid in section that just steals what other people say? That might be why your professor isn’t warming to you.

And if your ideas are similar to other people’s ideas and your professor likes their ideas but not yours, doesn’t that just mean your professor doesn’t like you as a person? Try using deodorant.

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