Boyfriends Aren't a Thing Here (But New Friends Can Be)

Welcome to "Listen Up!," Flyby's weekly advice column, written by two jobless, washed-up seniors from their futon in Winthrop.

We rounded up some of your most poignant questions from last week and responded with our unfailing wisdom.

Q: Help! I have a crush on my ex-TF. I thought my feelings would die after our class, but the fire of love is still burning strong. What should I do?

A: Apply to your TF's graduate program, obviously. Need a rec? Guess who can write it!

And the next time a TF catches your eye, don't wait so long to make a move. This is what by-appointment office hours are for.

Q. I've been interested in this guy for almost three years now, but we've never had a real conversation. I see him practically every day, and now we're running out of time because we are both seniors. Any advice on how to approach and befriend him?

A: We have a similar problem with a guy, in that we've been looking at pictures of Ryan Gosling practically every day for three years now and also have yet to have a real conversation with him.

We won't judge you for sounding creepy, mostly because that would be hypocritical (but FYI you are a little bit creepy). Honestly though, it's senior spring. If we hadn't made fun of Twitter acronyms in our post last week, we would probably say YOLO or something. Since actually approaching him out of the blue would most likely be terrifying for both you and him, find a mutual friend to introduce you to your target the guy. Make sure to floss before the big moment and—BAM!—your life will now change forever. Jk. But it will be something to look forward to other than reading the HUDS menu daily and praying for a miracle.

Q: How do I get a boyfriend? It's so hard to date at Harvard. —Lonelygirl

A: Is it? Because we've personally found ourselves in an endless cycle of meaningful, committed relationships with perfect gentlemen since the day we arrived at college with our suitcases full of Ramen and our hearts full of love, ready to share both with the right person.

Boyfriends aren't really a thing at Harvard. You know, like "academic integrity" and "mental health services." They're similar to bangs: some girls manage to pull them off, while others think they can and end up looking like idiots. For the record, historically we've been told that we "just don't have the right kind of face" for either.

Renowned philosopher Beyoncé once said, "If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it." In college, however, if you like it then you shouldn't put a label on it (oh oh oh). Lower your standards. But take comfort in knowing that you aren't alone in being alone. We're alone too, which is why we have time to write this column.

Q: How do I make new friends? I love my current ones, but as a second semester sophomore, I'm yearning for a change of pace and new adventures. Harvard has so many brilliant people that I want to know, but I feel like that boat has already set sail.

A: *Ship.

Just the other day, Sarah made a new friend in the Yard by talking loudly about how ridiculous it was that Linsday made it into the final two on the Bachelor this season, so you can always employ the strategy of yelling your opinions about popular topics of conversation in public spaces and seeing who responds. (This really happened, and girl with red hair/cigarette in hand, I don't remember your name but thank you for agreeing that Catherine is the superior choice for Sean).

If this sounds slightly unreasonable, friends of friends are a great starting point. There is even an easy screening process, which is called Facebook, that you can use to see which friends of your friends seem like good candidates to be your friends, too. Are you looking for a worldly friend? Find someone with cover photos and profile pictures taken around the globe with captions such as "Ghana is my real home" and "take me back to [exotic location] now please!" How about someone artistic or musical? Search for a person who has created an "artist's page" on Facebook and has asked everyone to like it—multiple times.

Another great way to pick is to see which friends of your friends like your comments on your friends' photos the most. If they think you are clever or insightful before meeting you, that's one less hoop to jump through in the real friendship. Crash a couple of meals, get introduced, and make a dent in meeting all these brilliant people you say exist here.

Have issues? We can help!

Maybe.

Anonymously submit your pressing life questions here!

Love and Life Lessons,

Sarah and Julia