How to Prepare for Primal Scream
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Harvard students celebrate the beginning of exam period with a naked run through the rain.
It’s likely that you’ve been spending your days in Lamont, showering rarely, and subsisting on a diet of sushi, coffee, Cheez-Its, and Insomnia Cookies without caring what anyone thinks of you—that’s how reading week is supposed to be. But the days have flown by, and Primal Scream is finally here. It’s time to get your act together and prepare to show Harvard the goods.
Shower
This should be number one on your to do list in general these days. Lamont is seriously getting smelly. If you’re planning to bare it all, make it bearable for those around you.
Get a body wrap
It would be a bit forward of us to assume that you’ve made it to the MAC, so here’s a quick option that will get you into shape for tonight. We're not really sure where you would get one, but it consists of putting some stuff on your body, being tightly wrapped in hot towels, and then losing a couple inches off your waist. It’s like being mummified, only more expensive and you get to live. You can ask your roommate to give you a body wrap as a bonding exercise.
Eat salad
For the first time, use the salad bar. Eat lettuce. You will feel healthy. It will taste like water.
Do 100 crunches
Right before you shed those clothes, do some crunches to build up a sweat and to get a nice tone.
Do a lap beforehand
Possibly in slow-mo so you can get into it. Preferably listen to "Work B**ch!" by Britney Spears as you run. Consider it your solo debut.
Most importantly, have fun! Give your clothes to a trustworthy friend who will be stationed by Lamont so you can get dressed quickly and head straight back to studying.