Definitely Don’t Do THAT in Public

I recently began to take note of some of the more ridiculous things that people in and around Harvard Yard say when they think a Flyby writer isn’t skulking behind them. The following are completely real and completely ridiculous things that you should NEVER do:

Humble brag about your SAT scores.
“No. I didn’t get the highest SAT score in my grade. But the kid who did is at Stanford now.” He wasn’t bragging about being the best at something, so it’s ok. Right? Wrong. Unfortunately, this humble brag isn’t all that humble and isn’t actually something worth bragging about.

Lip-sync to your iPod while on a treadmill.
People do unattractive enough things while exercising—we don’t want to see you do your best Billy Idol impression on top of that.

Walk with your significant other while both of you have your hands down (the back of) the other’s pants.
I kid you not. This was by far the most aggressive PDA that I’ve ever seen—we don’t need or want to see that. One a separate note, how do you pull that off for extended periods of time? Doesn’t walking up stairs get weird? Just hold hands or something.

Have an outdated Top 40 song as your ringtone.
That was cool when people found out that you could have songs for ringtones on a flip phone. But then 2007 happened. The song really isn’t popular anymore. You also might have your ringer up too loud to be in public. And, to be honest, I just don’t want to hear “Wild Ones” as I’m ordering too many Insomnia cookies at 12:15 on a Wednesday morning.

Wear pants with two different colored legs.
Hipster nonsense at its finest. To your credit, they were corduroy pants. Less to your credit, one leg was orange and the other one was blue. Also, I think they were the tightest pants I have ever seen (although it seems like that record is overtaken every additional week I spend in Cambridge).

Say this to a tourist (or anyone else, for that matter).
“Well. Here at Harvard we call them concentrations. But I guess you could say I’m an Econ major.” We know that it’s a tough pill to swallow, but most people don’t know or care about the distinction between a major and a concentration. So just be nice. Answer the question. Make it seem as though nice people actually go here.

Pat John Harvard’s foot at 1 a.m. on a Saturday, then point to him and give him the bro nod.
I laughed out loud when I saw this. Honestly? No further explanation. Classic freshman mistake.