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You step onto the field, and the whistle blows. Adrenaline surges through your body as you cut, dodge, check. Nothing matters but the moment, the team, the game. You feel alive. You feel invincible.
But it only takes one moment, one misstep for the limitations of your body to cause you to come crashing back to reality. A snap of a tendon can send you to months of rehab or even to a permanent place on the sideline. You are left with a choice: do you stop playing, or do you spend hundreds of hours training to get another chance at your dream, another opportunity to play the sport you love?
It’s a decision that no athlete ever hopes she will have to make.
In her first two seasons, Harvard attacker Jess Halpern had become a dominant force in the Ivy League. After being named Ivy League Rookie of the Year in 2008, Halpern continued to excel as a sophomore, leading the league in goals and points per game and being named to the All-Ivy League First Team. Coming into her junior season last spring, Halpern was expected to be an integral part of the Crimson attack.
When she walked onto Homewood Field in Baltimore, Md., for the second game of the season—just days after being named to the watch list for the Tewaaraton Trophy, given to the nation’s top collegiate player—Halpern figured the match against Johns Hopkins would be like any other game.
After recording two second-half goals in the match, Halpern received the ball and ran down the sideline with one defender on her back and another running toward her from the front. Halpern planted her right foot to do a split dodge, but as she cut got a push from behind, and her knee buckled in.
“I knew right when it happened that something awful had happened to my knee,” Halpern said. “I heard and felt my knee crunch and pop, and I just collapsed. I immediately knew I could have torn my ACL.”
After taking her off the field, the trainer confirmed Halpern’s suspicions that it was most likely an ACL tear.
“I was living out my biggest fear,” Halpern said. “I was freaking out to think that I would be out for the season. It was a shock and super surreal for me.”
While waiting in the airport, Halpern called Lauren Bobzin ’08, who had been captain her freshman year, for advice and support.
“She was the first to suggest that I could red shirt,” Halpern said. “She said how in the long run it could be better for the team, better for me, and really a blessing in disguise. Talking to her, I realized that I really wanted to play another season of lacrosse.”
After confirming a few days later through an MRI that she had torn the ACL and sprained the MCL in her right knee, the decision was easy. Giving up a season or quitting wasn’t an option, and Halpern was ready for the rehab process to begin. She confirmed a few weeks later that she was taking the semester off and red-shirting.
After undergoing surgery in May, the true work began.
Remaining determined through months of daily strengthening, conditioning, and rehab, her dedication was obvious to her teammates.
“You can see how badly she wants to be out there,” junior tri-captain Melanie Baskind said. “She shows a lot of dedication in her treatments.”
The greatest obstacle and reward in the recovery process was when she ran for the first time after her surgery.
“I was so nervous to run,” Halpern said. “I had to learn how to run evenly all over again. It’s hard because as much as it’s a physical game, it’s also a mental game. I had felt trapped and bad to not be able to do all of these physical things. I was going crazy, because I wanted to play so badly. I wanted to go out, dodge, run, and be free. Once I took those first steps, I felt free again for the first time.”
Halpern began to show a lot of progress, and after about sixth month’s worth of training after her surgery, she was able to practice with the team again.
“The year that I wasn’t playing, I felt that there was a void inside of me,” Halpern said. “I hated being on the sideline and not being able to be out there. It took a toll on my mind, but I tried to channel that energy through working really hard in my rehab and to make sure my knee was 100 percent when I came back.”
Although practices had been going well, Halpern found out three weeks ago that she had sprained the same MCL once again. But despite the setback, Halpern is expected to take the field for the Crimson in one to two weeks.
Knowing everything that she has been through, Halpern’s teammates look forward to her return.
“Jess is almost a once in a lifetime player,” sophomore attacker Jennifer VanderMeulen said. “She gets so much pressure, so much attention, yet she blows by everyone. She’s the type of player you admire. She’s fantastic. Hopefully she’ll be out there soon and ready to play.”
—Staff writer Stephanie E. Herwatt can be reached at sherwatt@college.harvard.edu.
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