What If 'Last Vegas' Were Just Like 'The Hangover?'

“Last Vegas,” the comedy starring fading dramatic heavyweights Michael Douglas, Robert De Niro, Morgan Freeman, and Kevin Kline is, at least judging by the trailer, a baby boomer’s version of “The Hangover.” On that level, here’s how we think the various scenes in “The Hangover” would unfold if the 30-something whippersnappers were replaced with seasoned old-timers:

The Drugging
Kline, the Zach Galifianakis of the group, convinces the men to try a new prostate medication on their final night in Vegas before De Niro’s voluntary admittance into a retirement community.The directions for use, however prove too small for the entire party to read and they end up blacking out after taking three times the recommended dosage.

The Tiger
Still deeply faded from their Flomax miscue, the giggling men find their way to Muhammad Ali’s home and steal his therapy animal, a small tabby cat, from its crate at the foot of Ali’s bed. Although no chase ensues, the men still manage to lose the cat when Douglas forgets where he put the beast in a senior moment.

Mr. Chow
Freeman, a Korean War vet, opens the trunk of his Buick to find a naked octogenarian and former North Korean soldier there. Unaware of how the soldier ended up in his trunk, Freeman eventually pieces together an ideological bickering match that occurred the night before in which they sparred about the relative merits of communism versus capitalism. The spat escalated quickly, but the North Korean man collapsed before any blows could be exchanged and, convinced he had killed the man, Freeman stuffed him in the trunk.

The Stripper
De Niro receives a phone call from a stripper telling him of their impulsive marriage the night before. Initially ecstatic about her youth and enthusiasm, De Niro is horrified when he realizes, upon conducting some background research, that the woman is one of his non-biological grandnieces. In a poignant moment, he attempts to explain the difficulty for men of his age to keep track of all of their descendents.

Card Counting
In an attempt to win back debts incurred over their night of debauchery, Kline goes to a high rollers bingo game. A master ball counter, he manages to game the system and win twelve consecutive rounds, making the necessary cash to pay off the debts in the process.

The Decision
After all the fun and wildness of the weekend, De Niro can no longer stomach the thought of settling down into retired life, and instead throws a rager back in L.A. The celebration even includes a parody performance of Nat King Cole’s “L-O-V-E.” How droll!