Non-Conference Play Continues for Ancient Eight

­It’s the middle of October and that means two things: the Presidential race is heating up, and Ivy League football is in full swing. The two are a lot more similar than you might think. Both are heated races between an eclectic group of contestants that are vying for a relatively meaningless prize (seriously, how much power does the leader of the free world ACTUALLY have?).

On top of that, in the heat of both races, an unlikely hero wearing red has emerged. From the Presidential race, I’m obviously talking about my boy Kenneth Bone! Out of ashes of the awfulness that was the last debate, we were taken into the BONE ZONE. Nothing better than his red sweater and gnarly mustache. As for the Ivies, I’m looking at you, Cornell. Didn’t think you’d win a game to be honest.

We have the clear front-runners whose names begin with H. There’s the orange one that’s basically from New York (Princeton is practically right in the city!). Then there’s the guy who probably can’t name any foreign leaders because, frankly, they’re just not as good a candidate as the rest. That one is Yale. Cause people who go to Yale aren’t as smart or good-looking or cool as people who go to Harvard.

Will this season end up being as much of a mess as the presidential race? We’ll find out soon enough. But this week, smack-dab in the middle of Ivy play, we have the last set of non-conference games as well as a few Ivy League matchups. Let’s get into some predictions.

HARVARD AT HOLY CROSS

Just like my girl Hillary is going to obliterate the Donald in Massachusetts, the Crimson is going to come out guns blazing in this matchup after beating Cornell in what might be its toughest matchup of the season.

Holy Cross has already lost to one Ivy League team this season, Dartmouth. I’ll get into Dartmouth’s struggles a little later, but suffice it to say, they aren’t all they’re cracked up to be this season. So Harvard is going to roll through this matchup pretty easily.

Prediction: Harvard 42, Holy Cross 13

YALE AT FORDHAM

Fordham has looked pretty solid this year. They’re 3-2, and one of those losses came to Navy who just beat Houston. They’ve beaten one of the better Ivies in Penn, and they’re coming off a 24 point victory against a conference opponent.

Yale, on the other hand, is 1-3 overall and has only beaten Dartmouth so far. They’ve only scored more than 21 points once, and they’ve given up a combined 118 points to non-conference opponents so far. Oh, by the way, Fordham put up 83 on an opponent this year.

Yale’s non-conference struggles will continue this week.

Prediction: Fordham 49, Yale 17

SACRED HEART AT CORNELL

What a surprise, am I right? Cornell is so good this year! I mean, they lost to Harvard, but so does everyone. Other than that, they’ve rolled straight through their opponents, surprisingly enough. Check out the preview from last week for more info on how bad Cornell has been in the past. They are, however, playing a Sacred Heart team that’s 4-1 on the season. Regardless, I’m cheering for Cornell. Everyone likes a surprise. Like the Oakland Raiders. Or Donald Trump.

Prediction: Cornell 31, Sacred Heart 21

TOWSON AT DARTMOUTH

To be perfectly honest, I’ve never heard of Towson before. Apparently it’s in Maryland. Who cares. They’ve lost all but one this season including a blowout loss to USF in the season opener. At least they’re playing good teams. Dartmouth is 0-2 in the Ivy League and lost to Yale, but they were supposed to be Harvard’s toughest competition this season. To quote Obi Wan Kenobi, “You were the chosen one!” Well I’m choosing you to lose. So hah! Just kidding, Dartmouth has this one.

Prediction: Dartmouth 24, Towson 17

COLUMBIA AT PENN

Big surprise: Columbia is bad at football. They’re 1-3 so far even losing to Georgetown. Penn, on the other hand, will very likely be the Crimson’s biggest game this season. They’re 2-2 but are undefeated in the Ivies and lost to the powerhouses that are Fordham and Lehigh. As upset as I am that I have to go to Philadelphia to watch the game against Harvard, just as much as I believe that it’s ridiculous a football team’s mascot is named after a group of pacifists, I also believe in Penn.

Prediction: Penn 35, Columbia 10

BROWN AT PRINCETON

I don’t know. Princeton is 3-1. They’ll probably win, right?

Prediction: Princeton 42, Brown 17

Staff writer Gant Player can be reached at

wplayer@college.harvard.edu.