Arts Vanity: What Would Buffy Do? Buffy Quotes I Live By

“Buffy the Vampire Slayer” is the perfect teen drama, girl power, and vampire fantasy hybrid. It has all the teen angst of the ’90s and pre-Twilight vampire drama. By night, she’s the chosen one, a girl tasked with destroying vampires and forces of evil, but by day she’s Buffy Summers, bubbly SoCal blonde trying to date and pass her classes. She’s the definition of badass with just a hint of relatable; I’ve idolized her since I was seven and bought my first faux leather jacket from Marshalls. Here, I’ve compiled some of my favorite Buffy quotes — from inspirational speeches to witty quips at her enemies to random musings — which act as the validation and inspiration I rely on in life.

1. On Answering my Phone: “If the apocalypse comes, beep me.”

It’s the sticker on my phone. It’s a totally dated phrase that you’ll only understand if you know what a beeper is. It’s actually the only instance in which I want to be contacted. It must be apocalypse level news or I probably won’t respond, but I do get a little loose with what I consider to be apocalypse-worthy (anything related to Taylor Swift qualifies).

2. On What a Girl Wants: “Alright, yes, date and shop and hang out and go to school and save the world from unspeakable demons. You know, I want to do girly stuff.”

What is girlhood? Okay, I can’t define that for everyone but Buffy gets to the heart of it for me: having seemingly frivolous desires, but also searching to save the world and contribute to social change. Girls just want to have fun AND fundamental rights.

3. On Standardized Tests: “It was just too much to deal with. It was like nothing made sense anymore. The things that I thought I understood were gone. I just felt... so alone.”

Firstly, this showcases a red herring that represents the show’s humor — first you think she’s talking about a demon, until she explains it’s actually the math section of the SAT, much scarier. But also, have you ever been stuck with an exam to take, no escape from the room, but absolutely no sense of what is on the page in front of you? The panic, the frustration. The switch to writing out all 50 US States from memory instead when you’ve ultimately given up. I believe this could be an actual quote from me discussing the ACT. Thankfully, there was a test without a science section.

4. On School Dances: “Well, at least we all have someone to go with now. Some of us are going with demons, but I think that's a valid lifestyle choice.”

Not much more context to offer. Just feels like an accurate description of my dating life.

5. On Religion:
Girl: “Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?”
Buffy: “Uh, you know, I meant to and then I just got really busy.”

Sometimes, I don’t want to decide about things. Do I believe in God? Ghosts? That Amelia Earhart didn’t actually crash to her death but instead found shelter on an island in the Pacific? It doesn’t matter what I think, so I’m not going to bother, and instead do all the things that do matter.

6. On College Know-it-Alls: “You know, there is nothing more dangerous than a psych grad student.”

Or an Econ Bro. (Ew!)

7. On Fashion: “That probably would have sounded more commanding if I wasn't wearing my yummy sushi pajamas.”

She is a fashion icon, highlighting the best mini skirts and leather jackets from the ’90s. And though she knows the importance of dressing for the occasion, such as wearing something sinister when declaring war, I do also love a good pajama set.

8. On Men: “I see one more display of testosterone poisoning, and I will personally put you both in the hospital.”

The dream is not to have two men fighting over you. The dream is to have them argue about you. Then you remind them you have super strength and could take them both. Then you exert your own power over them to get them to stop fighting and do what you want.

9. On Ignoring Precedent: “In every generation, one Slayer is born, because a bunch of men who died thousands of years ago made up that rule.”

When Buffy learns about the origin story of the slayer, she decides having that strength isn’t actually empowering, but it puts unfair responsibility on a young girl. As a History concentrator, it feels like a metaphor for unlearning certain aspects of history and finding ways to discover elements that have been rejected.

10. On Finding Love: “I’m well aware of my stellar history with guys. And, no, I don’t see fat grandchildren in the offing with Spike. But I don’t think that really matters right now.”

Everybody (meaning my roommates) always (meaning whenever I put on a “Buffy” episode that includes a romantic arc) asks me who she ends up with. That’s so not the point. She’s just trying to get through the day — pass school, get a job, save the world. Her love life is not the priority; a welcome distraction (occasionally), sure, but there’s no goal to it. This rare moment of clarity over her dating history just explains that the “right” choice is what feels right in the moment.

—Staff writer Margo A. Silliman can be reached at margo.silliman@thecrimson.com.