Doc Martens: Your New Horoscope

Fall may bring with it Halloween and Thanksgiving, sure, but more importantly, it represents the beloved, months-long period where it is culturally acceptable for young adults to wear Doc Martens (or any boot of similar likeness) on a daily basis. But how did Doc Martens overcome being typecast as an essential item of the emo-high school aesthetic to become a fashion staple? With so many shades and varieties, it is not at all surprising that the boot has become a must-have for middle school outcasts, the preppiest of college students, and everyone in between.

In considering a boot with such universal appeal, the style, color, and material you choose says quite a lot about who you are. It’s no horoscope, but the pair of Docs you rock does say a lot about your perceived personality. So, instead of taking an internet quiz to tell you what pair of Docs you are based on your personality, listen to a much more trustworthy way of pigeonholing your identity instead. Let me tell you what your personality is based on the pair of Doc Martens you own.

Classic Black Docs:

Generally, you wear as much black as possible. You own corduroy pants. You’ve listened to Mitski at least once in the past week. Classic Doc owners are unapologetic: “Yes, I own and wear the most recognizable pair of Doc Martens — so what?” If you own these Docs, you are here for practicality, comfort, and versatility. You’ve probably owned the same pair for years, and the environment thanks you for it. You use them to aesthetically jump in October leaves while you simultaneously stomp on the patriarchy. Everyone loves you.

Chelsea Docs:

YAWWWNNNN — oh sorry. These Docs are just really boring. Don’t worry, this is coming from a place of self-deprecation, as I own this style myself. But even I can admit that these are the vanilla of the Docs catalogue. People own these for one of two reasons: They are too scared to own classic Docs because they're “too edgy,” but still want to stay fashionably relevant, or they want something to wear with every outfit for every occasion. Seriously, these Docs can be dressed up or down so easily. Sometimes boring can have its benefits.

“Edgy” Platform Docs:

Please speak up — I cannot hear you over the Phoebe Bridgers songs being blasted at all times in your presence. People who wear platform Docs are the coolest people in existence. Everyone immediately wants to be their friend. If you wear these, the fashion industry steals runway ideas from the creative outfits you wear on the streets of New York City while you chase after your art, music, or design dreams. Confident in every way, the world looks up to you for inspiration on how to be unapologetic.

Colored Docs:

People with colored Docs dress in one of two ways: All black with their boots being the sole pop of color, or with the most random mismatch of color, pattern, and texture layered into one outfit. These people are artsy, risk-takers, and free-spirited enough to invest in a pair of Docs that makes putting together outfits a daily puzzle of color theory. You challenge the rest of us to loosen up and indulge in some color every once in a while — even if it's impractical and doesn’t match half our wardrobe.

Earthy-colored Docs:

These boots scream, “I listen to the Lumineers,” or “Home” by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros.” Or the entirety of Taylor Swift’s “Folklore.” You get the picture. These are the quintessential boots of people who climb trees and hike mountains. They ride their bike to the local café and talk to the barista about how their garden is doing while their coffee with oak milk is being made. If you own these, you are probably warm, free-loving, and fun to be around. So, thanks!