Top Five Terrible Songs by Good Artists

Great artists are great because they are innovative and take risks. They are willing to play with style and put their feet forward into the abyss of public opinion in order to change the norms of the music industry. The revolutionaries of the music world, however, come as both a blessing and a curse — some of their songs are just plain terrible. To appreciate the pioneers in the music world who made terrible songs without being labeled terrible artists, here are some obvious choices (and some hot takes) for the top five worst songs by great artists.

5. “Om” by John Coltrane

Coltrane is a true legend and one of the most influential jazz musicians of all time. His music is exciting, soothing, beautiful, chaotic, and inspirational. He successfully used wordless jazz to convey messages as powerful as if he were reciting poetry. All that said, great musicians sometimes have minor disappointments. Coltrane’s “Om” is excruciatingly strange and difficult to listen to. It starts with ritualistic chanting and a whining, out of tune flute. If you’ve ever played a wind instrument, you’re familiar with the awful squeaking sound it makes when you blow too hard; the song mixes the shriek of instruments with a flute that sounds like it’s being played by a second grader. That cacophony is basically the majority of song, along with chaotic combinations of out-of-sync and off-key instruments. It’s nails-on-a-chalkboard cringey.

4. “Revolution 9“ by the Beatles

This is an obvious example of great artists taking a step forward in the wrong direction. The Beatles are often recognized for their experimental and pioneering rock style. They toyed around with sampling, multi-track recording, and many other musical techniques still used today. Their experimental style, however, didn’t always land them in the realm of artistic genius. First off, “Revolution 9” is eight minutes and 22 seconds long. John Lennon, Yoko Ono, and George Harrison created this melange of dysfunctional sound bites in 1968, and it includes sound effects, violins, a tape of someone saying “number nine” (the only lyrics in the song), and chunks of classical music. It was an attempt to appeal to the new avant-garde art world by experimenting with “musique concrete.” It certainly didn’t appeal to their fans, and needless to say, most just skipped over it on their otherwise successful “White Album”.

3. “Closed on Sunday” by Kanye West

Kanye West is a controversial character, but he is an undeniably influential artist. His latest album, “JESUS IS KING,” has been a point of contention and disappointment for many Kanye fans, and the most puzzling song on his new album is “Closed on Sunday.” Kanye’s new devotion to creating music about Jesus and God can be thought of as admirable, but Christian devotion can’t salvage the lyrics of the song. West’s rhyming is truly cringeworthy, and because the song isn’t very long, it feels as if a lot of the two-and-a-half minutes are dedicated to “Closed on Sunday, you my Chick-fil-A / You’re my number one, with the lemonade.” The song then ends with a shrieked “CHICK-FIL-A!” Amen?

2.”FourFiveSeconds” by Rihanna, Kanye West, Paul McCartney

“FourFiveSeconds“ is probably not the first to come to mind when thinking of terrible songs but, considering the artists that created it, it is an obvious choice. When three multi-time Grammy winners come together to make a song, we expect nothing less than absolute genius. The song is not objectively bad, but it doesn’t live up to its artistic potential. The lyrics are meaningless and, at times, it sounds like someone is shrieking nonsense in the background. The whole song is about three minutes long and the chorus is repeated four times. This means that the majority of the song is the same five lines getting stuck in people’s heads, the songwriters clearly hoping to make the song an inescapable chart topper.

1. “Something Just Like This” by Coldplay and The Chainsmokers

Coldplay’s release “Something Just Like This” was a great disappointment. This may be a hot take, but it is an objectively generic, bad song, and not what one would expect from the creators of “The Scientist,” “Sparks,” or “Fix You.” Although it reached top ten rankings on multiple global charts, it is certainly not worthy of the honor. “Something Just Like This” is a regurgitated, clichéd, same-chords-as-every-other-pop-song, lame cycle of soft beginning, buildup, and a basic beat drop with Chris Martin’s voice softly “doodoodoo”ing in the background. If Coldplay wants to stay relevant they shouldn’t give into the allure of collaborating with The Chainsmokers and becoming background noise. Coldplay is selling out to try to appeal to the masses. Keep making sad acoustic music! It’s what you’re good at!

—Staff Writer Mariam Sousou can be reached at mariam.sousou@thecrimson.com