Boys Will Be Boys, But Should They?

While sitting on a heavily crowded New York subway, I witnessed a boy, no older than 15, standing ever so closely behind a woman. He made lewd gestures to his younger brother, pretending to sexually harass the young woman in front of him. At even the slightest shake of the train, the boy would proceed to press his weight against the woman’s backside and give a hollow “sorry.” But boys will be boys, right? To make matters worse, a lady, presumably the boy’s mother, stood in front of the woman being harassed and did nothing to stop her son’s actions. But he’s going through puberty; he is confused about what’s appropriate, right? It wasn’t until I noticed and offered my seat to the woman that she was able to escape the uncomfortable situation.

But again, boys will be boys. No. Wrong. It is time we retire this phrase and stop excusing behavior such as this that allows boys to act as they please without realizing the damaging effects of their actions.

While this boy clearly knew his actions were wrong, behavior like this is cultivated from a young age. It is reported that in cases of child sexual abuse, one-third of the offenders are children under the age of 18. As such, child on child sex abuse is an unfortunate reality that must be dealt with.

One might say that it would not be right to place blame on a child who does not understand the impact of their actions. While I agree to some extent, that does not negate the responsibility that parents have to prevent these occurrences. Although they might not understand the effects of their actions, the harmful consequences persist nonetheless. Children who experience sexual abuse are still going to be emotionally traumatized and potentially become perpetrators of sexual abuse as well. This only furthers the persistent rape culture we have in society.

I am not advocating for sex ed after naptime or the birds and the bees before recess, but for parental accountability. Parents must teach their children the concept of consent and if their child is a survivor of sexual abuse, get them the help they need so that they don’t sexually abuse other children. These young boys that lack the awareness of their actions sometimes grow up to be men that contribute to rape culture.

Now, some readers might say that women can be abusers too, and they are right. But, with 96 percent of child sexual abusers being male, and being a male myself, I feel it is of good reasoning to speak to the upbringing of boys specifically.

But I cannot take the moral high ground. As I am now older and more aware, I look back on some past encounters with girls with a bit of shame. I can recall times where I misinterpreted body language or other signals and likely made some girls nervous or uncomfortable unintentionally. These small encounters cause me great guilt. They cause guilt because they could’ve been easily avoided had I been properly educated on consent, and how it’s needed for even the smallest of advances; it was not until I was a bit older and smarter that I knew what consent truly was. I cannot speak for every man out there, but I find it hard to believe that I am alone in carrying this guilt. It seems the concept of consent is not something often talked about with children.

Teaching consent does not have to begin with sexuality, as it is more about respecting others’ boundaries. And as a child gets older, the conversation can become more tailored to specific sexual encounters. Then maybe, just maybe, we will have a society of boys that can comprehend how wrong it is to press themselves against a woman on a crowded train. Until then, we have to do better.

And for those who were not taught consent properly that are now adults, perhaps many on the Harvard campus, it is not too late. What is important is calling out this behavior when it is detected and forcefully eradicating it. All too often we overlook such behavior in fear of hurting reputations or questioning the situation’s need for such attention, but this does more harm than good. And as much as we look towards our administration for such improvements, more is needed. The administration’s impact can only be so significant. A change like this is only truly everlasting when it is bottom-up. We, the student body, must lead the cultural shift. Implementation of a new administration policy must be a symptom of a greater change that is occurring, not the catalyst.

Joshua M. Conde ’22, a Crimson editorial editor, is a Government concentrator in Currier House.