Arts Vanity: Top Five Lords

Art is really obsessed with lords: literary lords, music lords, lords who are equally infatuated with fire as we are with them. And as media evolves from monumental frescoes to clickbait listicles, it only felt natural to give these lords the platform they deserve: a top five ranking.

5. The Lord of Light
At the bottom of this list is R'hllor, alternatively titled as the Red God, the Heart of Fire, and the God of Flame and Shadow. If these many names don’t already make it apparent, the Lord of Light has a thing for flames. This “Game of Thrones” deity makes it to the bottom of our list, mainly because he has a tendency to encourage his followers to burn children alive.

4. Lord and Taylor
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3. The Lord of the Rings
63 years after the first volume’s publication, J.R.R. Tolkien’s epic fantasy trilogy has manifested itself in movies, video games, and some pretty high-quality “My Precious!!!” memes. We’re excited to see where this particular “Lord” is going to go in another 63 years. Maybe a virtual-reality immersive experience of the Elven realms? A cooking-show spinoff inspired by all the great battles? The possibilities are limitless. In the wise words of Gandalf: “63 MORE YEARS!!”

2. Lorde
Also known as Ella Yelich-O'Connor, this New Zealander pop artist has made a big splash on American airwaves as everyone’s favorite suburban philosopher. Her sophomore album—Melodrama—stands at 91 points on Metacritic, and deservedly so. Incoming Theater exec Aline G. Damas ’20 called it “painfully relatable” with “sophisticated lyrics and distinctive electronic sound.” I call it an accurate representation of the fading glamour of maturation and drinking culture. Or in other words: sad...but fun!

1. God
Yes, as in Him. I’m probably putting this at the top of my list because I’m afraid that the ghosts of all Sunday School teachers will send bolts of lightning after me, but God has been pretty influential among works of art and Western literature. Some particularly notable pieces include: “The Creation of Adam,” “Paradise Lost,” and “Bruce Almighty.” He’s also responsible for the Bible, which is long but fairly popular, making guest appearances in the bedside drawers of hotels, fast food packaging, and my high school’s AP Literature class. The Lord’s most influential work gets 4.5 out of 5 stars. Flawed, but compelling.

—Grace Z. Li is the outgoing Editor-at-Large/Blog Exec and the incoming Arts Chair. She promises the heavens that this is just a piece of levity, but if Grace is looking a little electrified, please contact her co-Chair at mila.gauvin@thecrimson.com for administrative questions.