What the Hell Happened: Spoilers

Like an old friend back from far away, the return of “Gilmore Girls” is unexpected but welcome news. For those of us who can credit this show for our early-onset coffee addiction, our inexplicable desire to attend Harvard (why would Rory choose Yale?), and our worries that we’re not close enough to our mothers, “Gilmore Girls: Seasons” is not just unexpected but exhilarating.

As soon as the news arose, endless articles suddenly sprung up speculating about the plot, characters’ lives, and even the lines of dialogue. Speculation became even more acute as pictures from the revival appeared and the craze for spoilers intensified. This obsessive need to know more is not something alien, as has been seen with countless beloved television shows. Perhaps the better question is not how this phenomenon occurs but why it does. Why do people need to know more about details not connected to their lives?

Maybe it’s loneliness that causes this craze. After all, when real people fail us, there are always fabricated characters on the screen in front of us to fill the void (in fact, to some these substitutes may even be an improvement). So when a show or season ends, the feeling is like being ripped apart from loved ones and left wondering if they’ll ever come back. In “Game of Thrones,” they definitely won’t. Luckily, in “Gilmore Girls” there are no planned deaths—or so we hope. Regardless, the return of the show means the filling of the void, so it is only natural to wonder if these almost familial characters have changed after the hiatus.

However, for most people, loneliness is not the main problem. No, the craze for spoilers goes deeper. All of us are forced to wait in traffic, for college admissions, to shower— the list goes on: Waiting is an unpleasant part of existence. But while people cannot displace the cars in front of them, coerce admissions officers, or push roommates out of the shower, television spoilers offer rare occasions to escape impatience with relatively few repercussions beyond an angry fan or two. Imagine reading a spoiler as a rebellion against humanity’s fate to wait. Finding spoilers is our chance to take control of fate. It is the one chance to stick it to the man and refuse to wait. It certainly sounds like more fun than actually following the rules.

As each new speculative article over “Gilmore Girls” or any other show arises, it is tempting to join in and dedicate hours of free time to investigate the lives of characters that never existed and likely never will. It seems to be the perfect occupation for a rebel without a cause. But alas, we’ll always end up waiting anyway. As this season ends, we are only left waiting for another show to obsess over.

—Staff writer Marianne T. Aguilar can be reached at marianne.aguilar@thecrimson.com.