From an Outsider Looking In

It was in the fall of 2010, as I stood in a Thayer dorm room surrounded by my twin sister’s new college friends, that I realized all my stereotypes of Harvard students had been proven vastly wrong. I had fallen into the trap, like so many others, of having a picture in my head of what a “typical” Harvard student looked like. Yet as I stood in the middle of the room, watching Kristina and her friends eat Chinese food and gossip about budding college crushes, I watched this stereotype slowly crumble. What I didn’t know, though, was that this would only be the beginning of the friendships that would come to form the incredible support system and family of Kristina’s four years at Harvard.

It wasn’t until February 2014, her senior winter, that I truly realized the depths of the friendships Kristina had gained at Harvard, and how much her life had been altered by them.

Knuckles clenched white, radio off, and holding back tears, the drive down to Cambridge on February 11, 2014, is one that I will never forget. I had received a panicked and stunned phone call from Kristina early that morning, detailing the car crash of her teammates and best friends on the Harvard Mock Trial team, while coming back from a tournament in Virginia. Kristina had taken a flight back from the tournament in order to get back for an exam and had been the only member of her team not driving throughout the night. She told me that her friend, Angela R. Mathews ’15, had not survived the crash, and that several of her best friends were in critical care in New Jersey.

I remember feeling like an outsider that first day, the first of many that I would spend with the team after the accident. I never had the privilege of meeting Angela, and was trying to juggle the intense emotions of watching my sister deal with the loss of one of her best friends. However, during one of the counseling sessions that first afternoon, with the majority of team members, I couldn’t hold back the tears.

I remember whispering to my mom that Kristina was so incredibly lucky to have this Mock family. Yes, I was crying along with everyone else about the awful situation that had unfolded. But I was also crying because I was selfishly both saddened and scared by the thought that I didn’t have a group as close as this HMT family. My heart ached at how much I loved this group of people for the support they were giving Kristina and each other, and hoped that they realized how fortunate they were to have each other in the midst of such tragedy.

Harvard Mock Trial is a family bonded by more inside stories, late night practices, humor and brain power than those any group of people I know. But in the weeks following the accident, it was their dedication to each other that knew no bounds. Meals were provided around the clock from past team members, and alums flew into Boston to comfort. Team members, old and new, were always at each others’ sides.

It has been eight months since the accident, but I know it is still on all of our minds, at various moments throughout our daily lives. And while I may never know the feeling of loss they do, I think about the team every day and how fortunate I am to have gotten to know them all over the past four years.

Kristina and I currently live with two former Harvard “Mockers,” including one who was severely injured in the crash. We frequently have former and current team members over, and as I write this, peels of laughter are floating up the stairs as three of them watch an old Mock Trial tape in the kitchen. HMT is an interwoven web of friendship that cannot be broken by anything.

After the memorial service for Angela, I easily could have filled this article describing the beautiful memories of her by friends and family. There were moments when one couldn’t tell whether it was tears of sadness or laughter rippling through the audience as pictures and memories of Angela from all stages of life were shared. The overall message was as clear as the September sky today: Angela will always be a part of Harvard Mock Trial, Harvard Mock Trial will never be the same, and Harvard Mock Trial is stronger than ever. (In fact, it is currently ranked first in the nation.)

So, from an outsider looking in, thank you, Harvard. Thank you to the faculty, counselors, and professors for unwavering support and help through academic and non-academic times. Thank you to the Harvard Mock Trial team: You all have shown me the compassion, unaltered honesty, and immense trust that it takes to be such a close knit group; qualities I have now started to strive for in my own friendships.

While my vision of Harvard may have been slightly off kilter at first, I can now say for certain that I will forever be indebted to the institution that gave my sister the relationships that will support and carry her into the real world.

Annalisa Tester lives in Cambridge, Mass.