Meeting Minutes: Deliberations

THE SABLIÈRE SOCIETY

President: So, the date event was—

Senior member: Oh my god! Your sweater is, like, so cute.

President: Oh my god, thank you! I got it at the J. Crew off of Newbury Street, and it was between this and another one and I couldn’t decide so I texted my mom pictures of both, and she was, like, get both! And so I did! And I got these earrings at Anthro, and I thought they were on sale, but they weren’t, but I got them anyway. Oops!

Sophomore punch: I think I saw one of the other punches wearing the same sweater earlier. Isn’t sweater season the best!?

President: Cut that bitch.

THE PHOENIX

Treasurer: Thoughts on making Mark Zuckerberg an honorary member?

President: Really? Are you really going to propose this at every meeting?

Treasurer: Look. Come up with something better if you don’t like it! We’re running low on cash. If you really want to send the punches to Botswana for the weekend to get you an elephant tusk, we’re going to need some more cash.

President: Fine. Give him a poke.

THE DELPHIC

Punchmaster: So let’s talk about these punches. First up is Johnson. I think we have to take him. Anyone have any comments?

Junior member: Um…I saw him piss on the floor of the basement last weekend….

All: FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Junior member: But—

All: [Unintelligible screaming]

Punchmaster: He’s in.

THE SIGNET

Membership Chair: How do we all feel about this application?

Senior member: The essay is rather trite, I think. Very reliant on em-dashes, certainly; misplaced modifiers all over the place. I don’t get any sense of the sort of deep artistic introspection that we’re looking for.

Membership Chair: Yes, I agree. And the em dashes are a bit heavy-handed, to be sure. And let’s be honest: who uses the word “dovetail” anyway?

Senior member: Yeah, I think it’s a no. Plus, we definitely don’t need another Advocate member. It all just feels a bit… I don’t know… derivative? I mean, he’s no Mark Chiusano.

THE OAK CLUB

Botany Chair: OK guys, I’ve got some really lovely cedar saplings for us this week!

President: All right! Great, great. And the elms we planted last month?

Botany Chair: Coming along nicely. We had a couple guys out there to water them this past weekend, and we’ve gotten some really great responses from the community!

President: Awesome! Nice work, guys!