Date My Mom

As the saying goes, if you want to know how a man will treat you, just look at how he treats his mother. So, this Junior Parents’ Weekend, FM goes on the prowl in search of hot, eligible bachelors. Here’s the catch: we’re dating their moms first.

Mom 1

Ideal date: By the ocean, with a picnic, then going for a hike. Mmm. This picture is so right—an active lifestyle, a romantic sensibility—hopefully “fit and tan” runs in the family?

Her style: Elegant and classic. One gorgeous mama!

Her ideal man’s style: Polished but carefree. We’re liking this picture of a well-dressed but sporty boy.

Which Academy Award nominee she would date: James Franco. She likes ’em young ... cougar mom!

Beauty or brains: Brains.

Night in or night out: Night in. We can think of a few things to keep him occupied.

Wine or beer: BOTH! (With a giggle and a wink!) See above.

What she thinks of Harvard men: The majority are gay. Uh-oh ... are we being too heteronormative about this date?

Is her son a mama’s boy: “TOTALLY” Aww. Considering the vivacious charm of this hawt momma, we totally commend this.

Describing her son in three words: Amazing. Brilliant. Driven. And FUN. OK, not three words but her enthusiasm clearly wins points in his favor.

We’re sure interested in this well-dressed, fit, male specimen. Can we go on a second date with his mom instead?

Mom 2

Ideal date: Casual and comfortable. The back corner of a coffee shop, lounge, diner, or café.  Intimate, relaxed—this guy’s probably a romantic.

Her style: Youthful, energetic, personable, approachable, and sporty. Makes us think that her son might also love sports .... Big plus.

Which Academy Award nominee she would date: Jeff Bridges. The silver fox—We can dig it.

What she thinks of Harvard men: Very focused and methodical—they don’t seem to have an awesome social life. It’s all “study work study work.” We’ll find a way to entice him to play.

Beauty or brains: Brains. See above.

Night in or night out: Night out.

Wine or beer: Red wine. Red red wine? You make me feel so fine. You keep me rocking all of the time.

Is your son a mama’s boy: NO. Red flag, girls like boys that like their mothers.

Her son in three words: Brilliant, opinionated, and very funny. “If Harvard doesn’t work out, I wouldn’t be surprised if he were to become a comedian.” Brilliant and opinionated tends to be a given here at Harvard. But funny ... might we have a future member of The Lonely Island on our hands?

While he may very well be an athletic and hilarious genius, we feel like we might be competing for his affection ... with his orgo homework. Sorry, no.

Mom 3

Ideal date: Cruise to the south of France, spending the week relaxing and enjoying the cool environment. ¡Qué romántica! And maybe she’ll share the love and take the daughter-in-law along. Hint, hint ....

Her syle: Very chic. As long as that doesn’t mean he layers his polos ....

Her son’s style: Very well-dressed but it takes him a while to get ready in the morning. He likes to look “perfect” and “well-groomed.” We don’t want our guy’s morning bathroom routine to take longer than ours ....

Which Academy Award nominee she would date: Colin Firth. The British gentleman. Classy.

Beauty or brains: BOTH. High standards.

Night out or Night in: Night out. DTR (Down To Rage).

Wine or beer: Wine.

Is her son a mama’s boy: He’s not a mama’s boy, but he loves his mother. ADORABLE.

Her son in three words: Smart, handsome, kind. Let’s be real—isn’t that what every girl looks for in a guy?

This guy seems classy, well put-together, and romantic. And if he’s spending that much time in the bathroom in the morning, he’s probably lookin’ good once he steps foot out the door. DATE.