Marianne vs. Mary Jane

While I was in Paris last summer, I stumbled upon videos in which “Sex and the City” and “He’s Just Not That Into You” author Liz Tuccillo ecstatically interviewed French women on their approach to love and relationships. She kept repeating, “How do you know all this? I mean, you didn’t even read my book! If only American women were more like you…”

This online series in which the still-single Tuccillo teaches American women how to get guys like French women do, since “they have it all figured out,” bothered me on some level. There is a common American stereotype that French women have something alluring about them that other women, especially American ones, don’t have. There are books out such as “French Women Don’t Sleep Alone” and cheesy articles such as “10 Ways to Connect with your Inner French Woman.” Reflecting on the stereotype, I wondered why it is that some of the most charming French guys I know have American girlfriends and wives. There was some kind of a disconnect here—if French women were the best in the world, then why was it that French men themselves didn’t always think so?

Inspired by this question, I decided that I was in the right place to investigate. I interviewed some French men and women who knew both cultures well. I asked them whether it is true that French and American women are so different, what the difference is, and where they think it stems from.

I found that the way that these women act in relationships generally comes from different cultural upbringings and life philosophies. I was told that French girls are pessimists. They grow up knowing that things probably ultimately will not turn out the way that they want them to. Consequently, they find American movies with happy endings quite bizarre. The French tend to have the overall sense that life will take its own course, and that since what happens will depend on chance anyway, they might as well relax and enjoy the moment. According to my interviewees, French women turn relationships and seduction into a kind of game, which they see as light and pleasant. They tend to think that getting dinner or coffee with a guy does not really mean anything, that it is normal to date three or four men at a time, and sometimes fun to keep them all confused. When something does not work out, they do not try to control or fix the situation; instead, they let it go. They claim that when a guy with whom they went out a few times no longer calls them, it does not upset them, because nothing was ever planned or serious in the first place.

American girls, on the other hand, are idealists. They generally grow up believing that they can get what they want as long as they are focused and try hard, and that they will inevitably have the fantastic relationship that they have always imagined. When dating a guy, they keep the big picture in mind, asking questions like, “Do I need this,” “Is this actually what I am looking for,” and “Is he really a good match for me?” Instead of seeing where things go and taking them lightly, they tend to be more concerned about the future, and because of this, they stress out about the relationship.

At the same time, there is a upside to this attitude: some of the French men that I spoke to were telling me that they see American women as more responsible and predictable than

French ones and so more desirable for a long-term relationship. They value American girls for being honest about the exclusivity of a relationship and for always trying to be cheerful and positive through bad times.

While a French girl may have a playful glance and mysterious air as she walks down the street, an American one may be more straightforward. Romance is famous for being stimulated by uncertainty. As Maria Elena says in Woody Allen’s film “Vickie Christina Barcelona,” “Only unfulfilled love can be romantic.” However, certainty and stability can also be attractive for someone who wants a relationship. It seems that “A what you see is what you get” approach is highly valued by men from around the world, more so than American women themselves probably think. Maturity and spontaneity are both great, but do not necessarily go together, and when it comes to real relationships, regardless of what Tuccillo says, Americans women do have something figured out.  But, in the end, it is of course, all a matter of timing and tastes.

Elizabeth D. Pyjov ’11, a Crimson arts editor and columnist, is a Romance languages and literatures concentrator in Adams House.