Tough Love with Rat and Cat

Harvard’s Premier (And Only) Love Advice Column

By Kate A Borowitz and ALEXANDER J. RATNER

“Friends without benefits”

I’ve begun hanging out a lot with this girl I like, but I think she views me as a friend; sometimes she talks about guys she thinks are cute. What do I do?

—Weeping in Winthrop

Dear Weeping in Winthrop,

GAY BEST FRIEND ALERT. It’s time to get drastic. Play a drinking game with her, like two-person Spin-the-Bottle or Strip War (like Strip Poker, but quicker) to see if the heat turns up. If this fails, try to make her jealous by sitting in her dining hall every day with other girls and laughing really loudly. Also, make sure to look repulsed at the word “penis.”

Best of luck,

Rat and Cat

“My boyfriend likes my girlfriends!”

I’ve been dating my new boyfriend for two months, and I think he’s great, but I’m worried that he enjoys spending time with my girlfriends a bit too much. It’s getting annoying. Should I be concerned?

—Confused in Cabot

Dear Confused in Cabot,

Our short answer is “yes.” If your boyfriend seems happier sitting on the couch as your girlfriends pedicure their toes than he is when the two of you are alone, it’s time to move on. Either he’s gay, over it, or after one of your friends. You can do better.

Hearts,

Rat and Cat

“But I saw him first!”

One of my friends just announced that she likes a guy in our House, but she has a habit of “claiming” people and then getting pissed if one of us flirts with them. Normally I don’t care, but this time I have a huge crush on the guy she “claimed.” Am I a bad friend if I pursue him?

—Annoyed in Adams

Dear Annoyed in Adams,

All’s fair in love and war—until someone hooks up with Adonis. Your friend can claim whomever she wants, but unless they’ve gotten physical, he’s a free agent. You might want to tell your friend that you like the guy too, just so when that inevitable make-out sesh at the Owl happens, she doesn’t feel blind-sided. But if your friend does hook up with him, call off the offense. Creep slowly away and never mention your interest again.

—Cat

Nonsense. Anyone can be claimed at any time. Disputes will then be settled with a threesome.

—Rat