Hate It: Silly Bandz

Editor’s Note (July 2, 2021): This story was originally published on October 7, 2010. It was updated to remove offensive language added by an editor.

I find a new fashion choice to piss me off weekly. These trends don’t usually last long before I finally remember that I’m supposed to let people make their own mistakes or accept them for who they are, or something like that. But sometimes I can’t bring myself to be so compassionate.

Silly Bandz have made it to Week Three on my list.

I refuse to sacrifice my alcohol fund’s meager savings to purchase a package of brightly-colored plastic bands. Sure, they may come in "fun" shapes (like canoes and t-shirts!!!!!!!!!!!), but as soon as you put them on your wrist they just look like the slightly curvy elastics that they are.

A nine-year-old girl that I tutor offered me one of hers. I told her to draw me a picture instead. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t remember the last time it was encouraged to get fashion advice from third graders.

No, I don’t want to trade my barely distinguishable bear for your horse/dog/cat thing. If matching bracelets secure friendship, go make me one in purple, blue, and white. I’ll even buy the string.