Cover Your Eyes: The Return of Diamond Mag

If there one’s thing I believe—besides the fact that the music video to Taylor Swift’s “You Belong with Me” is a reflection of the souls of 95 percent of girls—it’s that the world needs more Ivy League porn.

For those of you who spent last year in high school or under a rock, Matthew M. DiPasquale ’09 tried to rectify this, venturing out naked on the Weeks Footbridge with only a self-timed camera (or an incredibly, incredibly intrepid photographer) and a desire to deliver the pale nakeds to the masses, artsy HBomb be damned. I loved the ensuing magazine, if only for his hilarious self-interview and his AP test score boasts, for me two porno must-haves.

Now DiPasquale is back with, to my surprise, some naked company and a new issue. I know this is standard porn justification, but really: please read it for the interviews. One of my favorite moments is GSD affiliate Andrea Smith’s thanking porn for “allowing her to quench her desire in a safe way.” Quench away, Andrea! The only thing dangerous about this spread is that precarious male-female pose on page nine.

Unsurprisingly, the gem is again DiPasquale’s self-interview. Alongside before and after pictures of himself from last year—the boy’s met a gym and some tanners—he writes that by “August 2010, I plan to naturally improve my vision to at least 20/20, fall in love, and live with my amazing, loving friends & family in nature, peace & abundance in a warm climate next to a lake in a cozy log cabin.” Any man that can fix his own eyes by sheer will power and find a log cabin in a warm climate—he’s OK in my book.

I’m going to wait to throw out my contacts, since I’m pretty sure the key to perfect vision does not lie in the pages of Diamond. Still, if you’re looking for a way to procrastinate in Lamont over the next few weeks, download this issue and man up about the looks you’re going to get from passersby. There’s no shame in hilariously awkward nudity.