POPSCREEN: Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey’s sultry new single, “Touch My Body”, has been transformed into a very un-sexy music video. Jack McBrayer, who plays Kenneth Parcell on the hit comedy “30 Rock,” stars as a nerd in the video whom Mariah hires to fix her computer. He shows up in full geek regalia with large rimmed glasses that belong in the 70s and a polka-dotted bow tie.

Stranger than his attire is the ensuing wet dream he has of Mariah while supposedly working on her computer. After McBrayer sits down to work, we are inflicted with his vision of Mariah lying seductively in bed while McBrayer dons a gold Viking helmet with horns, a tight red shirt that says “love rocks,” and a toy guitar. The fantasy only gets stranger when they leave the bedroom dressed in early medieval European outfits and start walking down the street with a unicorn.

The video seems to return to reality (where unicorns do not exist) when McBrayer and Carey share a candlelit dinner. We all know where they’re going to end up after that, right? Wrong. Instead of touching her body as Mariah begs for in the song, the two end up playing with toy cars on top of the dining room table. They finish off their dream date with the scantily-clad Mariah playing laser tag and frisbee. This attempt at comedy enters into a realm of ridiculousness that falls closer to horror than humor.

—Melanie E. Long