Paris Nets ’Poon Award

Paris Hilton, who can claim to be a party-girl extraordinaire, world-class socialite, and reality TV star, can now add another credential to her resume—the first ever Harvard Lampoon “Woman of the Year”, a spoof on the Hasty Pudding Theatricals’ annual “Woman of the Year”.

“You know, I’m like a lot of you Harvard students, really,” she said in a short acceptance speech on the steps of the Lampoon castle. “You have a Lamont Library. We also have a Lamont Library, except it’s a club in LA where celebs go to dance on tables and get crazy.”

Hilton thanked everyone for coming, especially the “quadlings” and described other ways in which she identifies with Harvard students.

“You guys have best friends,” she said. “Well, I have a best friend, Nicole Richie. She’s standing right over there.” As the crowd turned eagerly to look for yet another Hollywood celebrity, Hilton added, “Just kidding.”

Students waited for over an hour in the rain outside the Lampoon in the hope of catching a glimpse of the heiress who arrived fashionably late.

Lampoon members tried to appease the anxious crowd by throwing plain white T-shirts with a large slingshot and distributing crackers and energy drinks.

Eventually, Lampoon Co-President Christopher R. Schleicher ’09 assured the drenched fans that Hilton’s visit was not a hoax.

“I promise to you as president of the Harvard Lampoon that Paris is coming, or lightning will strike me dead,” he said. “All of you may stab me if she doesn’t come.”

About an hour after the event was scheduled to begin, two black Cadillacs pulled up next to the castle and the Lampoon speakers started blaring Hilton’s one time hit, “Stars are Blind.” Hilton disappeared into the castle, reappearing minutes later on the front steps to deliver her much anticipated speech.

In a phone conference interview on Saturday, Hilton told The Crimson that she was invited by Michael B. Hess ’09, whom she called one of her friends.

“He called and told me that the Lampoon wanted to give me an award,” Hilton said. “I was flattered. I love Boston and I think it’s going to be a lot of fun.”

Paris’ visit also included a night out on Tuesday at Rumor club in Boston (see sidebar) with an after party at the Spee Club and an appearance last night at The Estate club.

Hess, the treasurer of the Lampoon—a semi-secret Sorrento Square social organization that used to occasionally publish a so-called humor magazine—declined to comment on his relationship to Hilton.

Those waiting for Hilton to appear, including Harvard undergraduates as well as local residents and paparazzi, were eager to meet the socialite.

Darren He ‘09 came prepared with a brand-new pair of red satin Harvard boxers, which he got Hilton to sign. “I could either frame them or auction them off on eBay,” He said.

Rafael A.P. Miranda ’09 said that Hilton was worth the wait.“I have nothing better to do anyway, except getting my study card signed,” he said.

Some local high school students said they took the day off from school to see the hotel heiress. Alex Cohen, a student at Peabody High School, said, “If I get a picture with Paris, I’ll tell my teachers where I was today.”

One local, David Kelloway from Redding, Mass., said he was waiting in hope of getting Hilton’s autograph. He brought along a picture of his dog to give to her. “She likes dogs,” Kelloway said, “and is a member of an animal rights group—so I want to give her a picture of my dog.”

Hilton left the audience with a variation on her signature phrase.

“Harvard is hot,” she said.

—Staff writer Arianna Markel can be reached at amarkel@fas.harvard.edu.

—Staff writer Sue Lin can be reached at suelin@fas.harvard.edu.