Semi-Pro

Will Ferrell, plus 70s sport shorts, plus an Afro, equals disaster: “Semi-Pro” falls flatter than a deflated basketball. In fact, on exiting the theatre, I was not sure if the title “Semi-Pro” referred to the amateur basketball team that Ferrell leads or the movie as a whole. It accurately describes both.

“Semi-Pro” charts the fortunes of the Flint Tropics, the worst team in the American Basketball Association (ABA). Ferrell plays Jackie Moon, the player/coach/owner of the Tropics and former singer of the one-hit-wonder, “Love Me Sexy.” After a merger is announced between the ABA and the National Basketball Association, Moon realizes that his team must be one of the top three ABA teams to stay in the league. Given that most of the team can’t even make a free throw—except for Clarence Brown, played by the rapper Andre 3000—this appears almost impossible. The movie centers on the extreme measures the team takes to avoid expulsion from the league.

It’s a plot that sounds extremely familiar. “Semi-Pro” is essentially a remake of 2004’s “Dodgeball,” but without most of the laughs and any of the originality. While it’s hard to make an underdog story seem fresh, director Kent Alterman could have at least tried to add something new. Not even Ferrell can save the film, which flounders helplessly from the start.

Ferrell is a natural comedian who’s at his best in films like “Wedding Crashers” and last year’s “Anchorman.” But even he could not turn a script that was disastrously half-baked (to put it lightly) into something halfway decent.

For a comedy, “Semi-Pro” provoked remarkably few laughs. For a comedy featuring Will Ferrell, it provoked shockingly few. Moon (Ferrell) cracks awful joke after awful joke to the point of awkwardness. The only time I found myself chuckling hard was when I first saw Ferrell sporting a 70s get-up reminiscent of the Bee-Gees.

There were, however, a few scenes that sparked giggles. Any basket-brawl featuring grown men fighting each other to the tune of “Why Can’t We Be Friends” is sure to bring a smile to the average face. The scene was just long enough to be amusing, and just short enough to make the viewer yearn for more. The close-ups on Moon and Brown were aptly timed, catching their subjects at perfect moments of bewilderment or sheer anger. Another funny episode finds the Tropics donning heavy black eyeliner to frighten a big-shot team.

There is no one reason why this movie fails so greatly. The shoddy finale comes close, and will definitely leave viewers thinking that they’ve wasted ten precious dollars and a whole afternoon of precious time. “Semi-Pro” is about as far from a slam dunk as a dwarf at half-court.

As the sports commentator in the movie says, “Sometimes dreams turn into nightmares.” “Semi-Pro” exemplifies this scenario. It could have been good—it could have even been acceptable—but somehow this “Dodgeball”-meets-the-Bee-Gees mess incorporates the worst elements of both.