The Love-SATs!
Despite being the hub of one of the most famously awkward dating scenes in all of America — where else do people meet on the steps of the library to go on their first date? — Harvard is nevertheless home to many happy couples on all ends of the romantic spectrum. In a school where a rumored 70 percent of graduates end up married within the Ivy League, couples range from hand-holding in the dining hall to saying “I do” in Memorial Church.
Harvard goes all out making sure that undergraduates are ready to rock their LSATs and medical students can acquire the requisite skills for not going Kevorkian on their patients, but how far does $40,000 go towards teaching students to maintain happy, healthy relationships? FM tests how well love-birds can survive in the oft-unfavorable climate of Cambridge without flying south for the winter using our very own LSAT—the Love SAT.
MARRIED
Currier Masters Shahram and Laura Khoshbin admit that the circumstances of their initial meeting might sound strange: in 1985, Shahram was a guest lecturer for a chemistry course that Laura was taking as a “special” student—she had already completed her bachelor’s degree at the time. “The ‘special’ is important,” says Shahram, laughing, “Or it sounds a bit funny… But maybe not. We got married after all.”
The couple were friends for “a long time,” Laura says, so long that they “just decided to get married.” The decision was so low-key that when Associate Dean of the College Georgene B. Herschbach asked if the proposal was official, Shahram was confused: “She said, official, you know—on your knees. We were all walking through Boston Common, through two feet of snow. I dropped to the ground right there.”
Her response? “Get up! You’re going to freeze!”
Despite the absence of “yes,” the couple marks their 12th wedding anniversary today, on Valentine’s—so FM decided to help them celebrate in an appropriately Harvard way: with a quiz.
ASKING SHAHRIM KHOSHBIN
1. Fifteen Minutes (FM): What is her favorite ice-cream topping?
Shahrim Khoshbin (SK): Hot fudge
Answer: Hot fudge
2. FM: What color is her toothbrush?
SK: White
Answer: White
3. FM: What was the most recent CD she purchased?
SK: Raffi (as in Singable Songs for the Very Young)
Answer: Raffi (The Shahrams have a six year old daughter.)
4. FM: Does she prefer Coke or Pepsi?
SK: Coke
Answer: Coke
5. FM: What is her blood type?
SK: A+
Answer: A+
6. FM: How much cash does she have on her right now?
SK: $80
Answer: $80
7. FM: What was her most recent Halloween costume?
SK: We were both clowns, the year before last
Answer: Clowns
8. FM: Who would play her in a movie?
SK: Jodie Foster
Answer: Michelle Pfeiffer
9. FM: What is her favorite (nonalcoholic) drink?
SK: Coffee
Answer: Coffee
10. FM: What is her cell phone number (without checking your phone)? #2?
SK: #2? She programmed my cell phone!
Answer: #4
11. FM: What is her favorite Disney movie?
SK: None.
Answer: I don’t like Disney movies, because the mother always dies at the beginning.
12. FM: What is her preferred brand of coffee?
SK: Dunkin’ Donuts
Answer: Dunkin’ Donuts
13. FM: What is her ring size?
5
Answer: 5 1/2
14. FM: What is her favorite Beetles song?
Let It Be
Answer: Blackbirds
15. FM: Where was she on 9/11?
We were together, watching T.V. with our daughter in bed. We had just turned on the T.V. when it happened.
Answer: At home.
ASKING LAURA KHOSHBIN
1. FM: What is his favorite ice-cream topping?
LK: Fruit
Answer: Fruit (“Cherries,” according to the couples’ daughter, who sat in on the interview. Having an adorable daughter earns you extra points.)
2. FM: What color is his toothbrush?
LK: Blue
Answer: Blue
3. FM: What was the most recent CD he purchased?
LK: Raffi
Answer: Raffi (“That’s the thing about having a daughter…we haven’t bought anything for ourselves in six and a half years,” Sharam says.)
4. FM: Does he prefer Coke or Pepsi?
LK: Coke
Answer: Coke
5. FM: What is his blood type?
LK: A+
Answer: A+
6. FM: How much cash does she have on her right now?
LK: None. “She puts the money in my pocket,” Shahram adds, “I can’t do math. That’s why I went to med school and not MIT.”
Answer: None.
7. FM: What was his most recent Halloween costume?
LK: Clowns
Answer: Clowns
8. FM: Who would play him in a movie?
LK: Sean Connery
Answer: Sean Connery (“My favorite actor,” according to Shahram.)
9. FM: What is his favorite (nonalcoholic) drink?
LK: Tea
Answer: Tea.
10. FM: What is his cell phone number (without checking your phone)?
LK: #2
Answer: #2
11. FM: What is his favorite Disney movie? LK: 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
Answer: Pinocchio
12. FM: What is his preferred brand of coffee?
LK: It’s a brand from Canada… Van Houtte
Answer: Van Houtte
13. FM: What is his ring size?
LK: Don’t know.
Answer: 9
14. FM: What is his favorite Beetles song?
LK: I Will
Answer: I Will
15. FM: Where was his on 9/11?
LK: At home.
Answer: Our daughter had just been born, so we were together, at home.
SCORE: 175
Our high score! Readers take note: apparently, getting married is a really great way to get to know another person. Surprise! Another note: getting married on Valentine’s Day means never forgetting your anniversary. Happy Anniversary from FM!
DATING
James H. O’Keefe ’09 and Samuel L. T. Walsh ’09 met at the Gay, Lesbian, Transgender, and Supporters Alliance’s Gay Gaymes in October and discovered love somewhere between the three-legged rage and balloon-stomp. Their fairy-tale romance—described as “Love, Actually” by O’Keefe and “Titus Andronicus” by Walsh—has been flourishing since then.
“We can talk, or not talk, for hours,” says Walsh jokingly with a tender touch to O’Keefe’s arm. After being pried off one another, the Romeos assessed just how close all those hours of chitchat and bodily communication had brought them.
THE TEST: DATING
ASKING SAMUEL L. T. WALSH
1. Fifteen Minutes (FM): What is Jimmy’s mother’s maiden name?
Samuel Walsh (SM): “Nothing tastes better than skinny feels.”
Answer: Olsen
2. FM: What is his favorite ice-cream topping?
SM: Extra creamy whipped cream.
Answer: Fresh fruit.
3. FM: What is his shoe size?
Shoe size?
SM: That’s not really what you want to know. 11.
Answer: 10.5 (note: in neither case is shoe size indicative of… other features).
4. FM: What was the most recent CD he purchased?
SM: Gerald De Palmas. We bought it together.
Answer: Gerald de Palmas. French pop. So gay.
5. FM: Does he prefer Coke or Pepsi?
SM: Diet Coke.
Answer: Coke. Diet Coke.
6. FM: What is his blood type?
SM: Clean.
Answer: Malarial.
7. FM: How much cash does he have on him right now?
SM: NONE.
Answer: None. Ever.
8. FM: What was his most recent Halloween costume?
SM: Construction worker.
Answer: A construction worker. He really liked that. A week later we became “official.”
9. FM: Who would play him in a movie? SM: Jake Gyllenhaal.
Answer: ??
10. FM: What is his favorite (nonalcoholic) drink?
SM: Coffee.
Answer: Coffee.
11. FM: What is his cell phone number (without checking your phone)?
SM: 1-800-GET-A-GAY.
Answer: 913-706-4450 (note: this does not spell “GET A GAY”).
12. FM: What is his favorite Disney movie? SM: Beauty and the Beast.
Answer: The Lion King (such a romantic).
13. FM: Does he prefer to work at Widener or Lamont?
SM: Neither. The closet cases stalk him in Lamont and Widener is too oppressive.
Answer: Lam ground floor reading room. Breaking rules and causing a ruckus.
14. FM: What is his favorite HUDS delicacy?
SM: Anything fried—so the HUDS menu.
Answer: Anything salty and fried. My weakness.
15. FM: What is the average number of classes he skips per week?
SM: 3.
Answer: Has shopping period started yet?
AskinG jAMES H. O’KEEFE
1. FM: What is Sam’s mother’s maiden name?
JO: He has two middle names and one of them is the maiden name… Laurence? Tollenaere?
Answer: Tollenaere.
2. FM: What is his favorite ice-cream topping?
JO: Dried cherries and walnuts.
Answer: Peanut Butter.
3. FM: What is his shoe size?
JO: 10.5.
Answer: 11.
4. FM: What was the most recent CD he purchased?
JO: SAM DOESN’T BUY MUSIC! He steals from me.
Answer: Gerald de Palmas.
5. FM: Does he prefer Coke or Pepsi?
JO: Coke. Diet Coke.
Answer: Diet Coke.
6. FM: What is his blood type?
JO: No clue.
Answer: Delicious.
7. FM: How much cash does he have on him right now?
JO: $20. In $1 bills.
Answer: $13.
8. FM: What was his most recent Halloween costume?
JO: Jeans and a sweater.
Answer: Jimmy—I didn’t wear underwear.
9. FM: Who would play him in a movie?
JO: Jake Gyllenhall.
Answer: Daniel Radcliffe.
10. FM: What is his favorite (nonalcoholic) drink?
JO: Tea.
Answer: Tea.
11. FM: What is his cell phone number (without checking your phone)?
JO: 650… I’m so embarrassed. We’re no
good over the phone anyway.
Answer: 650-400-9745.
12. FM: What is his favorite Disney movie?
JO: Aladdin.
Answer: Lion King.
13. FM: Does he prefer to work at Widener or Lamont?
JO: Lam-style. Computers in the Farnsworth Room. Badass.
Answer: Lamont—I used to stalk him.
14. FM: What is his favorite HUDS delicacy?
JO: He is a food snob and doesn’t really like much by HUDS.
Answer: Pesto.
15. FM: What is the average number of classes he skips per week?
JO: Never.
Answer: 0.
SCORE: 168.
O’Keefe and Walsh certainly have a good feel for each other (note: bonus points were given for public groping), though there is potential for confusion when trying to find one another in the library during midterms. There are those who would say that Coffees and Teas shouldn’t mix, but with Diet Coke and Jake Gyllenhaal on their side, these love-birds will make it through the Cambridge winter before heading to a sunny Spring Break.
ENGAGED
Kamber D. Vittori ’08 and Kenton J. Hetrick ’07 were brought together two and a half years ago through the Harvard University Band, proving that music is indeed the food of love. Now they’re playing a different tune: the Wedding March.
Hetrick popped the question under the newly-installed spotlights of Week’s Memorial Bridge on Dec. 1, 2007 after a romantic dinner at Top of the Hub.
“It was freezing,” says Vittori. But the cold couldn’t dampen the duo’s passion: “We knew that we pretty much wanted the same things for the future. It wasn’t really a surprise.”
Being engaged as an undergraduate at Harvard can be somewhat trying, Vittori explains. “Everybody kind of looks at you strangely. ‘How could you know?’ It makes you grow up a little quicker.” Their biggest challenge, however, has been living apart since Hetrick’s graduation last spring. Are these two ready for their long-distance walk down the aisle?
THE TEST: ENGAGED
ASKING KAMBER D. VITTORI
1. Fifteen Minutes (FM): What is his favorite ice-cream topping?
Kamber Vittori (KV): Sprinkles
Answer: Don’t really have one… Guinness?
2. FM: What color is his toothbrush?
KV: Yellow
Answer: Blue
3. FM: What was the most recent CD he purchased?
KV: I don’t think he’s ever bought one!
Answer: Lord of the Rings: Two Towers soundtrack
4. FM: Does he prefer Coke or Pepsi?
KV: Coke
Answer: Coke
5. FM: What is his blood type?
KV: B+?
Answer: O+
6. FM: How much cash does he have on him right now?
KV: $40
Answer: $54
7. FM: What was his most recent Halloween costume?
KV: Harry Potter
Answer: Harry Potter
8. FM: Who would play him in a movie?
KV: John Krasinski (Jim on The Office)
Answer: Sir Ian McKellen
9. FM: What is his favorite (nonalcoholic) drink?
KV: Sweet Tea
Answer: Sweet Tea
10. FM: What is his cell phone number (without checking your phone)?
KV: 617-571-4580
Answer: 617-571-4580
11. FM: What is his favorite Disney movie?
KV: He hasn’t seen many… Aladdin
Answer: The Lion King
12. FM: Does he prefer chicken or beef?
KV: Beef
Answer: Beef
13. FM: What is his ring size?
KV: 13
Answer: Don’t know
14. FM: What is his favorite pet name for you?
KV: Kammy
Answer: Kammy
15. FM: Where was he on 9/11?
KV: Fremont, OH, in class
Answer: History class (school) in Fremont, OH
ASKING KENTON HETRICK
1. FM: What is her favorite ice-cream topping?
KV: Caramel
Answer: Sprinkles
2. FM: What color is her toothbrush?
KV: Red
Answer: Pink
3. FM: What was the most recent CD she purchased?
KV: Flight of the Conchords
Answer: Flight of the Conchords
4. FM: Does she prefer Coke or Pepsi?
KV: Coke
Answer: Coke
5. FM: What is her blood type?
KV: B+
Answer: B+
6. FM: How much cash does she have on her right now?
KV: $12
Answer: None
7. FM: What was her most recent Halloween costume?
KV: Pam Beasley from The Office
Answer: Wenda (from Where’s Waldo)
8. FM: Who would play her in a movie?
KV: The woman who plays Pam in The Office
Answer: Julia Styles
9. FM: What is her favorite (nonalcoholic) drink?
KV: Cherry Coke
Answer: Cherry Coke
10. FM: What is her cell phone number (without checking your phone)?
KV: 757-KAMBER
Answer: 617-571-4580 (Ed note: this does not spell “KAMBER”)
11. FM: What is her favorite Disney movie?
KV: Beauty and the Beast
Answer: The Lion King
12. FM: Does she prefer chicken or beef? KV: Beef
Answer: Chicken
13. FM: What is her ring size?
KV: 6.5
Answer: 7
14. FM: What is her favorite pet name for you?
KV: Baby
Answer: Kenty
15. FM: Where was she on 9/11
KV: In school in Newport News
Answer: Newport News, Va. in class
SCORE: 165
...with a projected future score of 170 once they’re back in each other’s arms/in the same state. Even beyond the most obvious indicator that these two are in it for the long haul—their names start with the same letter!—it looks like the soon-to-be Mr. and Mrs. Vittori-Hetrick finally have an answer to the how-do-you-knows of those around them: they both have positive blood types and they already know that the documentary of their lives will be filmed on the set of The Office. Oh, and they love each other.