15 Questions with the Class of 2011

You’ve seen him, dressed in his “Elm Yard ‘11” shirt, walking to the ’Berg with eighteen of his best friends. You’ve heard him, boasting about the 1.5 shots that he totally downed the previous night before the proctor showed up. But how well do you really know The Freshman? Feeling just a little creepy, FM caught up with the Facebook profiles of the class of 2011 in order to get a better feel for the newest residents of Harvard Yard.

1.

Fifteen Minutes: Hey, you with the lanyard! What’s happening?

2011: “I’m going to be a freshman at Harvard this year just to get that out there since it seems to be a conversation killer.”

2.

FM: Don’t worry. Nothing could kill this conversation but your killer good looks. Where are you from?

2011: “hey i dunno. i just am. i obviously reflect about myself too but that probably isnt the same picture that you’d see. so i guess its up to whoever wants to know to find out.”

3.

FM: Ooh, cryptic. What are you planning on concentrating in?

2011: “My thirst for knowledge will never be quenched because I will always want to know more.”

4.

FM: I guess that means you’ll be spending a lot of time in the library. How do you feel about that?

2011: “How far back do the stacks go and how late is the library open?”

5.

FM: Oh. Oh my. You’re not suggesting what I think you’re suggesting, are you?

2011: “i HAVE thought about sex in the stacks..it CAN b pulled off, u just have to b smart nd kno wat level to do it on ;) There r sensors that cause the lights to turn on automatically, but there r an equal number of shady corners 4 all types of activities ya digg??”

6.

FM: I think I dig. You seem pretty knowledgeable about these things—do you have any advice for how an uncoordinated girl can pee on John Harvard?

2011: “Hmm...maybe sort of squat over one of the thighs or something. But then again, i’m not really an expert on peeing like a girl, so maybe someone else should handle that question...”

7.

FM: I’m not quite sure I understand what you’re saying. Please elaborate.

2011: “I make it rain so much that my nickname’s the rain man.”

8.

FM: That’s kind of disgusting. Moving on—what kind of people are you looking to befriend?

2011: “I want more friends that are hookers, it’s fun to tell people”

9.

FM: I guess you can never have enough friends who are hookers. Hey, you over there! Are you a hooker?

2011: “I have over 10,000 from this year not including the moments not caught on camera :D”

FM: Excuse me?

2011: “I’m awesome. Call me and let’s play red rover.”

10.

FM: Is the whole freshman class this crazy?

2011: “We should all do it as a team, lol. Reppin ‘11.”

11.

FM: That’s a little presumptuous. Let’s get to know each other a little better first. How did you like University President Drew G. Faust’s speech?

2011: “That’s what liquor’s for!”

12.

FM: Harsh.

2011: “I’d take an orange to the face for Michael Buble.”

13.

FM: Don’t try to change the subject. Do you support her being Harvard’s new president?

2011: “i’m sure that will be all of our first choice if all else fails ;)”

14.

FM: Snap! Well, what do you think about FM?

2011: “Makes me believe in all that is good about mankind.”

15.

FM: You’re making me blush. Last question—what did you think of the First Chance Dance?

2011: “and to think some UT vols told me i’d never party again when i went off to school.”