Horse Power

Red Bull gives you wings; Power Horse makes you go haywire.

I don’t drink coffee and had never tried an energy drink before. So, when offered a Power Horse on my first day as an intern, I should have just said no. At the meeting, the writers immediately offered the interns cans of the potent drink. “It’s like this Austrian energy drink 5 times the power of Red Bull, and totally illegal in the United States,” they said, gesturing to the stacked cases. We all dutifully grabbed a heavy, 16 oz. can and sat.

The meeting was awful. My hands shook, if they weren’t tightly grasping the can. Every time the editor asked me something, I had no idea what was going on, and was outdrawn by Super Intern every time. I didn’t eat anything that entire day, didn’t need to, I had my Power Horse.

The Power Horse is only the latest advancement in energy drinks, which originated in1960’s Japan. Called genki drinks, their purpose was to help workers stay awake on the job to increase productivity. An Austrian created Red Bull, building the energy drink niche in the U.S. Marketers removed emphasis from the working stiff and created a more frivolous image. Power Horse, whose potency claims are not approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), distances itself from the party mindset. The press release states, “The drink’s very appearance (a stocky and powerful can) demonstrates that Power Horse is not a drink for party-goers, stuntmen and acrobats. It is for everyday people.”

However, every day should not be filled with caffeinated hijink; but I started drinking early the very next day. I had hoped my new friend would give me a confidence boost alongside the promised energy rush. Instead, I fidgeted like I had forgot my morning Ritalin. Inevitably my caffeinated jolt ended.

On my way home, riding the subway, I crashed. An older lady in orthopedic shoes got in a couple of stops down. I stared at her, contemplating her attire. A crucifix, a habit… I didn’t realize she was a servant of God until the girl across from me offered her a seat. The fear of God struck me. Not only would I die from the illegal toxins in the Power Horse, hell awaited me because I didn’t give up my seat for a nun.

Yet Power Horse advertises itself as healthy, stating that it “releases the energy dormant in us.” It also contains vitamins B12, B2 and B6. The other unpronounceable ingredients, according to the website, are quite the opposites of assumed carcinogens and actually detoxify the body. That energy should stay dormant. Caffeine, the active ingredient, is an addictive drug. From my experience, anything that causes my body to shake can’t be healthy.

That’s why only the interns drink Power Horse; the regular writers don’t touch it and marvel that we’re still alive. They understand what we don’t; Power Horse is addictive. Yet they still delight in the corruption of our youth, watching us travel the road to self-destruction. While I’ve kicked the Power Horse habit, I still occasionally crack open a can at lunch; it goes well with my sandwich.

Candace I. Munroe ’10 is a Crimson arts editor in Adams House. She occasionally also ventures into the dark world of Crunk!!! energy drinks.