House: Cabot House

Concentration: Biochemical Sciences

Hometown: Palo Alto, CA

Ideal Date: They undercharge us for our dinner at T.G.I. Friday’s.

Best way for a girl to get your attention: A sassy ’tude and a cool band shirt.

Where to find you on a Saturday night: At 11:15, I will make my way to the most mediocre party on campus. At 12:45, I will call it a night, and proceed directly to the vending machine in the Cabot basement. There, I purchase a bag of Cheez-Its for $0.85. I finish the bag and sit for a half-hour as the baked snack crackers slowly dissolve from my teeth.

First thing you notice about a girl: Her facebook profile.

Your best pick-up line: Let’s get out of here lady, this place is clown town.

Best or worst lie you’ve ever told: In middle school, some friends and I made up this summer camp—Camp Pampernickel—and convinced one kid it was real. “Hey, when are your parents going to sign you up for Camp Pampernickel?” we kept asking him. “It’s going to be the best summer ever.” We made brochures.

Something you’ve always wanted to tell someone: To the person who stole my Indonesian ritual bat kite from Cabot storage: You are scum. Give it back.

Favorite childhood toy: This outrageously large and unwieldy Nerf gun called the Razorbeast. It fired 15 suction-cup darts in two seconds.

Sexiest physical trait: Fabulous muscles.

Favorite part about Harvard: Chocolate milk at every meal.

Describe yourself in three words: World’s deadliest snake.

In 15 minutes you are: Watching Jeepers Creepers 2 on VHS while I cut my toenails.

In 15 years you are: Designing and selling genetically engineered exotic species. My laboratory compound is on some craggy rocks next to the sea. Don’t just stroll up—it’s booby-trapped.

Scoped!