SCREENSHOTS: The Nutcracker

Boston Ballet’s “The Nutcracker” began its 40th season at the Boston Opera House yesterday. The historic venue will host thousands of theater-going Bostonians every weekend from now until the new year, officially ringing in the holidays with ballet’s major cash cow. But for the frugal-minded collegiate crowd (who are either too cold or too postmodern to leave the dorms for a night at the ballet), there is an alternative Tchaikovsky and E.T.A. Hoffmann fix. Get your hands on a copy of the 1977 American Ballet Theater production of “The Nutcracker.” It remains the most popular “Nutcracker” film in history, it is available at Lamont, and it stars Mikhail Baryshnikov, the Russian heartthrob best known by our generation as Carrie’s sixth-season love interest on “Sex and the City.”

So mix up a strong peppermint (Schnapps) hot cocoa, settle into your comfy futon, and prepare for a trip to 19th-century Germany. There, you can lose yourself in yuletide festivities and dream sequences with Clara (Gelsey Kirkland) and her Nutcracker Prince (Baryshnikov). Just don’t expect to see the traditional roles of the Sugar Plum Fairy or Mother Ginger; Baryshnikov cut them out to give himself and Kirkland more dance time.

TAKE A SHOT...

1. Each time you recognize Tchaikovsky’s score and think: “Oh THAT’S where this music is from!”

2. Whenever the dancers do something that you cannot. Two shots if you really wish you could. (More alcohol makes anything possible!)

3. Each time the mystical Herr Drosselmeyer creeps you out. With all the close-ups of his face and his strangely possessive relationship with goddaughter Clara, there are many occasions for it.

4. Whenever special effects appear highly unlikely to be successfully executed on stage. (Note: In this production, people and props often appear, disappear, or drastically change in size right before your eyes!)

5. When the camera awkwardly zooms in on an unsuspecting partygoer, cutting off much of the action onstage. Two drinks if the person appears to have no idea he or she is on camera.

6. For any moment of ethnic profiling—naturally, all Chinese people dance with fans.

7. In honor of phallic imagery, drink whenever any male character uses a stick horse with gusto.

8. Drown the self-pity when you realize that Kirkland’s daily caloric intake is likely less than the popcorn you’ve just taken out of the microwave. This is especially evident during the big partnering moves, since she floats like tissue paper.

9. Drink along with the adults at the Christmas ball: a toast isn’t a toast unless everyone’s in on it!

10. Every time you check out someone’s (i.e.: Baryshnikov’s) cute butt and sexy dancing man-legs in tights.

11. As the dream fades back into reality, have a nice long drink for the realization that—although it is the most commercial version of the ballet out there—it’s still a lovely part of the holidays.