Celebs: Do You Know What They Did Last Summer?

Here’s a riddle: if a baby is born to a pair of Scientologist celebrities but there’s no paparazzi to photograph it, does the baby exist?

Between Mel Gibson’s drunken anti-Semitic rant and Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock’s four wedding ceremonies, Hollywood was certainly working the headlines this summer. But in case you didn’t have the time or just simply didn’t care to follow the latest round of celebrity escapades, we’ve put together a Spark’s Notes version of Summer Celeb Gossip.

Without a doubt, this summer’s biggest “news” was the appearance of Suri Cruise in the October issue of Vanity Fair, photographed by Annie Leibovitz. For nearly five months after her birth in April, there were no pictures of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ daughter, sparking debates as to whether the Tomkitten actually existed.

Suri’s pictures were newsworthy enough to be featured on Katie Couric’s Sept. 5 “CBS Evening News” debut as the first woman solo anchor of a major network evening newscast. While the photographs prove that Baby Suri is indeed alive and beautiful, the new question is which parent does she most resemble, if the Asian-looking baby is even their child at all.

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban’s June 25 wedding only spurred questions as to when Suri’s parents will actually tie the knot.

Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt, born to Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, proved less photo shy, appearing on the cover of People magazine a scant three weeks after her May 27 birth. The first biological child of Jolie (who has an adopted son Maddox and daughter Zahara) and Pitt’s first child as well, Shiloh even has a likeness of herself with mom and dad in Madame Tussaud’s wax museum.

July 28 was a big day: Lance Bass, former teen heartthrob and member of the boy band N’Sync, publicly announced that he was gay, and Mel Gibson belligerently said that “The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world” while being arrested for driving under the influence of a 0.12 blood alcohol content. Gibson was previously accused of anti-Semitism after his 2004 movie “The Passion of the Christ.”

Charged for misdemeanor drunken driving, Gibson awaits a Sept. 28 court date. He has apologized to the Jewish community and has since checked himself into Alcoholics Anonymous.

In other news, Lindsay Lohan was chastised by James G. Robinson, the chief executive officer of Morgan Creek Productions, for frequently arriving late on the set of her film “Georgia Rule” and for acting “like a spoiled child.” Star Jones had a blowout with Barbara Walters after her contract was not renewed on “The View.” Citing Tom Cruise’s odd behavior off the screen, Paramount Pictures owner Sumner Redstone ended the studio’s 14-year relationship with the star.

He might not be a celebrity per se, but John Mark Karr certainly made headlines after his shocking confession to accidentally killing Jon Benet Ramsey ten years ago. Apprehended in Bangkok in August, flown first class to Colorado, and outfitted in new duds, Karr was eventually acquitted of murder charges after DNA tests were negative. Karr is now being held for charges of owning child pornography.

On a more somber note, environmentalist Steve Irwin, the “Crocodile Hunter,” died tragically after being stung in the chest by a stingray while filming “Ocean’s Deadliest” on Sept. 4.

And what celeb summary would be complete without a requisite mention of everyone’s favorite heiress, Paris Hilton? After releasing her first single “Stars are Blind” on June 20, Paris somehow climbed the Billboard charts to #18. This is the person who in the same summer said that she cries when she hears her music, told British GQ that she will not have sex for a year, and proclaimed herself to be this generation’s iconic blonde à la Marilyn Monroe.

—Staff writer Emily G.W. Chau can be reached at egchau@fas.harvard.edu.