15 Topic Sentences For Your Final Exams

It’s the day of the exam, you haven’t cracked a book, and all those “Reading period? More like DRINKING PERIOD!” jokes you made have suddenly lost their humor. But don’t sweat—FM has got you covered with topic sentences for all your exams this semester. And once you’ve got the topic sentence, the rest just writes itself. . .

1) [English 10b] Most students would reference the texts of this course to answer this question. Most students are also d-bags.

2) [In the spirit of postmodernism] I am writing this exam; I am writing this exam; I am writing this exam...

3) [History 10b] This question can be answered by looking at the social, political, and economic factors of the countries I actually did the reading for.

4) [Comparative Study of Religion] I would like to answer this question through a drawing of the Prophet Mohammed.

5) [Women, Gender, and Sexuality] To be honest, I only took this course to pick up girls. I haven’t the slightest idea what systems of oppression even means.

6) [Af-Am] I learned everything I need to know about this subject from watching “The Disorderlies,” so here goes:

7) [Bits] 10010101...2! LOLZ

8) [Government] I’m just a bill/Yes, I’m only a bill/And I’m sittin’ here on Capitol Hill...

9) [On Manliness] I would like to answer this exam question by eating my desk.

10) [Biology] Damn, let’s see...the leg bone’s connected to the...knee bone, and the knee bone’s connected to the...fuck.

11) [Spanish] No, no puede.

12) [Philosophy] This question can be answered through the work of the great twentieth century philosopher David Koresh.

13) [Statistics] Here’s a statistic for you: nine inches. Soft.

14) [VES] I would like to answer this question in the form of an interpretive dance.*

15) [MR 54: “If there is no God, is all permitted?”] Yes.

*FM apologizes for number 14, which is actually not a joke.