DEAR MOLLY: Blockmate Drama

Dear Molly,

I originally told my roommate that I would block with him, but I’ve made some new friends who I would rather block with, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t think my roommate has anyone else to live with, and there is not enough room in the other group for him. We haven’t talked about it in a while. I’m avoiding the topic. What should I do?

—Perplexed in Pennypacker



Dear Perplexed,

The Good News? Almost everyone has some kind of blocking drama. Although you may hear rumors about groups of eight that ease into the lottery and live happily ever after, this is not the norm.

The bad news? Although Stat 101 and I never saw eye-to-eye, I am still confident that the probability of an awkward blocking discussion in your future is pretty darn high. In the meantime, let me provide you some perspective:

Keep in mind, first of all, that selfish behavior is warranted in some circumstances. This is one of them. I am not encouraging you to become Harvard’s version of “Mean Girls” villain Regina George, but you should nonetheless be selfish in your blocking decision. (And, by the way, demanding the piece of cake with the biggest frosting flower at your fifth birthday party was also justified).

Why is selfishness the answer? Because you are going to be living with these people for three years. If you submit yourself to a less-than-ideal blocking situation, your unhappiness will affect not only you—but your blockmates. Thus it is better to be honest and up front about your blocking desires now so that you both can enjoy your living experiences in the years to come. But, tell him now! If you wait and tell him at the last minute, well, that is something Regina George would do and I think we’ve already decided that is so not fetch.

In the end, hopefully you will end up with blockmates who will become your Harvard family through thick and thin, roommates who will be able to tell you if you still have pen on your face from the previous night’s activities, and people who will move your summer storage up four flights of stairs (without hesitation) when you are on crutches. In sum: Blockmates are people who will make you look back on college with a huge smile.

Remember, though, that no blocking situation is ever completely perfect. You may find that you do not actually live well with this new group of friends. You may come home from a weekend away to find that your blockmates have smoked in your room and left the evidence on your windowsill. Who knows? So don’t stress too much about making the perfect decision. You will ultimately make friends beyond the bounds of your blockmates, and I’m sure it will all work out in the end. If not, you can always transfer to another house.

Finally, you said that you haven’t talked about blocking in a while. It may be that your roommate has made other plans and that he too feels awkward about bringing up blocking for fear you were still counting on rooming with him. As in any relationship, knowledgeably leading another person on in any capacity is generally frowned upon, so just be bold and bring up blocking. Hurt feelings may result, but they will only become more exaggerated the longer you wait.

Good Luck!

Molly

--Dear Molly runs on Mondays. Please send questions to dearmolly@thecrimson.com.