CLIP 'N' SAVE: Shave with the Grain

Everyone knows to shave against the grain. That’s why the girls have it easy when it comes to shaving: one leg, one grain (unless she’s got behind-the-knee hair, in which case she should drop out of Harvard and enroll in Yeti College—get it?).

On the other hand, according to science, male facial hair runs in over 10,000 different directions. Women, can you imagine the pinpoint accuracy with which we must slash our bristly trunks of masculinity?

I have no sympathy for women with leg-shaving cuts. Save your tears for childbirth. You may have to cover more surface area, but it’s all about the grain—and the ladies ain’t got but one.

The male shaving face can be broken down into five areas: two cheeks, the chin, the ’stache, and the underjaw/neck zone. Generally, each of the first four areas has just one grain. That is easy. But what about the underjaw? Cut up? Down? Sideways, just to be artsy? There are so many grains! Seriously—a girl botches a shave and she nicks her leg. I slip up, and I’ve slit my jugular. So, ladies, if you see a man with a clean-shaven underjaw and neck, slap his ass and call him Sam Teller!