Nanny McPhee

Directed by Kirk Jones

Universal Pictures

2 stars



For those of us who grew up whistling “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious,” Emma Thompson’s new children’s film, “Nanny McPhee,” falls far short of the magic of 1964’s “Mary Poppins.” With warts, a prosthetic nose, and one large bucktooth, the usually classy Thompson plays the title governess in this latest bit of family treacle.

Directed by Kirk Jones (“Waking Ned Devine”), the movie begins like an episode of the old Fox TV show “Nanny 911,” this time starring the cast of “Love Actually.” Colin Firth plays the widower Cedric Brown, who cannot control his seven unruly children. In the opening sequence, the children, led by the eldest boy (Simon Brown, the cute kid from “Love Actually”) break into the kitchen, tie the screaming cook (Imelda Staunton, “Vera Drake”) to the table, and wreak utter havoc.

Nanny McPhee then mysteriously shows up at their door and uses her magic to whip the brats into shape. When the children refuse to get up in the morning, claiming they have the measles, Nanny McPhee actually gives the children measles for the day. Lesson learned—with Nanny McPhee, get up or get ill. After each lesson taught, one of Nanny McPhee’s physical flaws disappears.

To enlarge the slim plot into a full-length movie, Thompson—who also wrote the script—throws in a half-baked storyline involving Mr. Brown’s financial and marital problems. When wealthy Great Aunt Adelaide (Angela Lansbury) tells the broke Mr. Brown he must marry or will lose her financial assistance, he settles on Ms. Quickly (Celia Imrie), a horrid social climber. The children and Nanny McPhee must band together to rid themselves of these two terrors.

The film is extremely visually arresting; its creative team dresses the characters in brightly colored clothes and perfectly fills the Brown house with quirky clutter. Both Lansbury and Staunton give gamely over-the-top performances, and Thompson shines as always, even beneath her disfiguring makeup.

The initially tasty film, however, dissolves in the end into a sticky mess of saccharine sweetness, involving a Cinderella-esque union between Firth and a pretty servant. This plotline is strangely reminiscent of the Firth storyline from “Love Actually,” when he falls in love with the attractive Portuguese maid. “Nanny McPhee” would have proved a more satisfying dish had Firth lived happily ever after with Thompson, rather than with a woman 15 years his junior.

Unless charged to entertain a five-year-old, skip “Nanny McPhee” and check out “Love Actually” or the Disney classic, “Mary Poppins,” from your nearest Blockbuster.