‘B*A*P*S’ Star Nabs Pudding Pot

By KEVIN FERGUSON

CRIMSON STAFF WRITER



This week, Academy-Award winner Halle Berry was crowned Woman of the Year by Harvard’s Hasty Pudding Theatricals. As an actress, Berry’s achievements have been particularly notable. She won an Emmy for her stellar work as the titular heroine in “Introducing Dorothy Dandridge” in 2000. She was the first African-American to receive the Best Actress Oscar for her phenomenally tortured performance as Leticia Musgrove in “Monster’s Ball” in 2002. And, most importantly, Oprah is a huge fan. And you don’t question Oprah….You just don’t.

But we turn now to three infamous duds in Berry’s otherwise outstanding oeuvre: “B*A*P*S,” (short for “Black American Princesses”) “Swordfish,” and your and my personal favorite, “Catwoman.”



“B*A*P*S” (1997)



Character Name: Nisi

Character Analysis: With aspirations of opening a restaurant, Nisi—with only her grill and a dream—travels to California to make some “real cash money” as the star of a music video. When that seemingly foolproof plan shockingly fails, Nisi agrees to pose as the long-lost daughter of an old white man’s former black lover, only to discover that she actually cares for the man and subsequently struggles with the maintenance of her lies. Tortuous inner conflict? Oh, you betcha!

Notable quotation:

Nate: “Now why did you have to burn my toast, baby?”

Nisi: “Now, you know you said you wanted everything well done.”



“Swordfish” (2001)



Character Name: Ginger Knowles

Character Analysis: Ginger Knowles faces a profound...nothing. Berry’s sole purpose in the movie is to fulfill a gratuitous nude scene. She is eye candy, knows it, and does it well.

Notable quotation:

Ginger: “Surprised that a girl with an IQ over seventy can give you a hard on?”



“Catwoman” (2004)



Character Name: I’ll give you nine guesses. If you need more than one, you’ve probably seen “B*A*P*S” a few too many times.

Character Analysis: Patience Philips starts out as a soft-spoken worker at a cosmetics company. After she, with her acute investigative savvy, stumbles upon a corporate secret, she, in a cinematic twist of fate, becomes Catwoman, a heroine who must take down the corporate structure—aka Sharon Stone.

Notable quotation:

Catwoman: “You see, sometimes I’m good. Oh, I’m very good. But sometimes I’m bad. But only as bad as I wanna be. Freedom is power. To live a life untamed and unafraid is the gift that I’ve been given, and so my journey begins.”



Yet, regardless of these critical flops (and be glad you were spared “Gothika”), let’s face it: There will never be a better Bond girl. Eat that, Denise! And a well-deserved kudos to you, Ms. Berry!

—Staff writer Kevin Ferguson can be reached at kfergus@fas.harvard.edu.