Students Discuss Feminist Relationships

While Adams House dining hall buzzed with dateless undergraduates on Valentine’s Day, the private dining hall was more likely to feature the buzzing of vibrators.

Radcliffe Union of Students (RUS) hosted a discussion yesterday about the complexities of feminist relationships.

The group set up two divergent camps, with one side advocating an acceptance of chivalry and the other calling for the end of female submission by criticizing penetrative sex.

Such stimulating topics attracted an eclectic group of over a dozen students of different genders, races, and sexual orientations.

While some found the feminist relationship—whereby men and women partake in an entirely egalitarian partnership—attainable, others viewed it as an impossible ideal.

RUS Co-Chair Dara F. Goodman ’07 said she believes in this feminist fairytale.

“I think it’s potentially the most long-lasting and fulfilling kind of relationship one could have,” she said, adding that it would be difficult to maintain. “There would definitely be moments where you say, ‘We just played into gender roles right there, didn’t we?’”

But opponents argued yesterday that playing into traditional gender roles is more often just an act of chivalry, superfluous to the feminist cause.

And holding a door open or paying the check can simply be expressions of courtesy and not patronizing for either party, students argued yesterday.

“Every couple is different and should talk about what they want to include [in their relationship],” Sophie B. Besl ’08 said.

But a shift from discussion of traditional gender roles to a conversation about balancing sexual power with pleasure aroused more cynical views.

“Heterosexual hooking-up is more difficult for feminists because it’s easier for guys to get off than women,” said Tatiana H. Chaterji ’08, RUS Women’s Center Coordinator. “I don’t think that women receive pleasure in the same proportion.”

Cynics also said that the term “blue balls”—and its lack of a female counterpart—distorts the sexual balance of power. “Blue balls” is slang for temporary genital pain caused by prolonged sexual stimulation of the penis that does not result in orgasm and ejaculation. But there is no term to describe the comparable effect on females who do not reach orgasm.

Besl countered that women were partly to blame for this discrepancy.

“Women add to the problem themselves because they’re not honest about whether they’ve had an orgasm or not,” she said. “They’ll fake it instead of being honest.”

The opposing sides ultimately converged on the need for honesty and agreed that finding the right person for a relationship is essential.

“You can establish a deeper relationship by dating someone who agrees with your gender politics,” Goodman said. “You probably wouldn’t be attracted if your politics were radically divergent.”

In a predominantly estrogen-centered discussion, male opinion still found a voice.

“My girlfriend drives me everywhere,” Kyle A. Krahel ’08 offered.

—Staff writer Giselle Barcia can be reached at gbarcia@fas.harvard.edu.