THE TREND IS NIGH: Plunging Necklines Falling From Favor

The other day, while I was supposedly reading Spenser’s “The Faerie Queene” but actually watching Jay-Z videos on MTV.com, I came across the new video from the burlesque-dancers-turned-pop-stars known as the Pussycat Dolls. I watched it 40 times, and after such blanket repetition, I came to an interesting conclusion.

I won’t bore you with the concept of the video, but it involves a lot of pole dancing and gyrating on taxicabs. This was not what impressed me. I knew from prior experience that the Pussycat Dolls could accomplish these tasks with an acumen only rivaled by Carmen Electra.

What made me entirely reposition my views on existence was that not one of the Pussycat Dolls was sporting much cleavage.

In fact, some of them were even wearing turtlenecks. It made no sense. If a former troupe of dirty dancers is unable to flash some décolletage while they are straddling subway turnstiles, it must be in very poor taste for the rest of us to display any at all.

To be honest, this state of affairs disappoints me.

Not that I am an extremely slutty dresser, or anything like that. I do enjoy the occasional V-neck or episode of “Stacked,” but these are natural affinities for a woman in my position.

Yet, it seems that ever since anorexia came into vogue, flashing one’s breasts seems almost crass. It’s a bit too much flesh, it seems, for the ascetic-minded fashion community.

Besides, when one is wearing a long sack with leggings, breasts merely get in the way. These days, it’s seen as much better to have a visible collarbone, on which you can hang trinkets, like necklaces.

Formerly, to my delight, Hollywood seemed immune to this phenomenon, and starlets brazenly flashed their collective implants to the world at every venue possible. Now the anti-cleavage sentiment is so strong in fashion that even L. Lo (though perfectly comfortable flashing her lower naughty bits to unsuspecting paparazzi) has covered her famous assets, usually favoring crew necks when she goes out at night.

That, to me, is sad, and offends my pecuniary sensibilities.

Again, this is not to say that I endorse excessive cleavage. Quite the contrary. Excessive cleavage is never fashionable, and in my experience usually scares people.

The details of where exactly your stretch marks lie on your chest should be kept, much like the Lost Dutchman’s Mine, shrouded in mystery. However, subtle cleavage can sometimes work to an outfit’s advantage. It’s like wearing a particularly sweet belt: not necessary for the survival of an outfit, but an interesting and notable addition.

Harvard women are not, in general, daylight exhibitionists, so I doubt that fashion’s current tendency to downplay boobage will affect their classroom wardrobe all that much. Harvard women are more likely to sport low-cut shirts during the nighttime hours.

Unfortunately, those revealing spandex tank tops, which many Harvard ladies like to wear to parties, oftentimes without a bra, are not in style anymore. “You are mysterious now; break out your turtleneck,” is the mantra these days. Although, I have my problems with it, I still offer you:



Three Tips for Rocking the Non-Cleavage Look:

1. Try and pair your high-necked shirt with tight jeans, leggings, or a skirt. They balance out your proportions. The more you wear on top, the less you have to wear on the bottom. How empowering!

2. Look for high-necked frilly blouses. These are very popular this season and will also make you look like Laura Ingalls Wilder, which is always a plus.

3. Relish how men love you for your mind or something like that.

—Columnist Rebecca M. Harrington can be reached at harring@fas.harvard.edu.