The Real Gameday Battle

“I just wanna play!” says Sophie M. Besl ’08.

Just as Harvard’s fullbacks are getting ready to suck it up on the AstroTurf, Besl and her band, the Sinister Turns, are getting ready to lay it all out at the tailgate’s first annual Harvard-Yale Battle of the Bands. I’m there, ready to rock and possibly roll.

But, as the Talking Heads might ask, “How did I get here?”

9:45 a.m.—I’m trucking out to The Game.

10:30 a.m.—I’m in Allston and confused. There is no rocking. There is no rolling. There are no drunken teenagers and there is nary a “Fuck Yale” sign to be found. Turns out, this is not the result of the lame-ass tailgate restrictions but an evil plot concocted by the cruel, misleading bastards at Google Maps.

11:00 a.m.—I retrace my steps, finally busting into tailgate city. A small performance area is set up near the entrance. I’ve only missed one band in the Battle.

Overall enthusiasm is running high as emcees Shirley L. Hufstedler ’07 and David A. Rios ’07 hustle things along. They’re both members of the Harvard College Alliance for Rock And Roll (HCARAR), and they, along with fellow HCARAR-ian Juli H. A. Min ’09, were responsible for coordinating the event and finding participants.

Today’s lineup features three Harvard bands, democratically elected via a vote on the Web. They represent a diversity of genres from Min’s own recently-formed funk-jam band After Hours, to Star Wars tribute-band So Long Princess (who I, sadly, missed), and the self-declared “hyper-literate indie pop” of the Sinister Turns.

Yale’s representatives were chosen largely at random, based on groups Min and Hufstedler were able to contact using the all-encompassing powers of Facebook.com.

11:12 a.m.—Tuning quietly beside the stage is one such Yalie. Sophomore Jake A. Garza is the singer/guitarist for a self-described “scream-o/emo” band called Cut-Rate Heroic. Last year, he led his group to victory at a Yale-wide Battle of the Bands.

Today, Garza isn’t feeling the pressure.

“I don’t really think of the Battle of the Bands as a competition but more of a celebration of music,” he says. “We just want to play our best. We give everything at every show. If we win, it’s just a bonus.”

Garza’s buddies have come up with an alternative goal for the weekend.

“Jake needs to get laid,” says second guitarist Bill Hatch.

And just how do the Heroics plan on lowering some discriminating Harvard woman’s standards? “Maybe throw a couple more winks in to the crowd than usual,” smiles Garza, his left eye twitching.

11:32 a.m.—I’m rescued from any such winking by the start of After Hours’ set.

Front-woman Min begins prancing about with sass, commanding the audience’s attention as she plunges into a rendition of the Ohio Players’ classic “Love Rollercoaster.” They proceed to deliver a well-received set, based in no small part on Min’s confident delivery.

12:07 p.m.—Next on the bill is Major Major Major, a Yale band whose name bares what we here at The Crimson might call “striking similarities” to a Harvard band—not performing at the battle—named Major Major.

I raise the subject with Major Major Major front man Joe H. Kaye, who is terse in his reply.

“Obviously if this Harvard band was famous, we would have heard of them and not used the name,” he says. “I don’t see them playing here.”

Before I mention the idea of “quality over quantity,” Kaye and his cronies take the stage and quickly prove that, despite what they may be saying down in New Haven, one more “Major” does not a great rock band make.

The group opens up with a Weezer cover. I decide to take this opportunity to catch up with Min, who isn’t worried about the competition.

“I think Harvard is representing. I think they [Yale] are gonna get crushed,” she says. “Yale people, by nature, are less talented and less musical, so it’s kind of inevitable.”

12:43 p.m.—“I think they’re going to win. They’re amazing,” says Yale senior Kesi Chen about Cut-Rate Heroic.

Christa M. Hartsock ’10 disagrees. “They’re from Yale,” she says. “No wonder they suck.”

1:27 p.m.—Up last are the Sinister Turns, who are using the occasion to promote their new EP. Ever the diplomatic easy-goers, the band is reluctant to denounce their adversaries while they set up their equipment.

Keyboardist and occasional trombone player Edward R. Sherrill ’08 is more Lennon than Lenin as we discuss his band’s intentions for their set.

“In a weekend filled with hate, vitriol, and violence, we’re really trying to bridge the gap with our rocking tunes,” he says.

And just how is this noble mission going? “It’s been smooth so far—like my favorite kind of peanut butter,” he remarks.

2:00 p.m.—The Sinister Turns have attracted a fairly large crowd by the time they take the stage. Their set comes to an untimely end, however, when an apologetic policeman shows up to shut down the show along with the rest of the Tailgate.

Hufstedler tries to negotiate, but is thwarted in her crusade when the officer threatens to pull the plug.

Having played only two short songs, it seems that the Turns will thus be shut out of consideration for prizes, which consist of 150 and 50-dollar gift certificates to Nitro Tone Musical Instruments in Cambridge.

2:09 p.m.—The judges are Toby Johnson from Yale’s radio station WYCB, Thomas Pouncy of Harvard’s undergrad record label Veritas Records, and a representative from Nitro Tone, and they’re quick in their deliberation.

Then, surprise of surprises, the dark-horse Sinister Turns end up with first prize! After Hours takes second, leaving the Bulldogs’ bands to slink away empty handed, their tails between their legs.

Maybe they’ll have better luck next year, on their own turf. As the dregs of the tailgaters begin lumbering toward the second half of an embarrassing athletic spectacle inside Harvard Stadium, everyone who rocked is well aware that the most important battle of the day has already been fought and won by the fair Crimson.