chatter.

A crew of sport-coat-clad rapscallions loitering outside the Fly Club en route to the organization’s punch outing attempted to flag down a Harvard University shuttle. When the shuttle declined to stop to accommodate the screaming young men, one particularly perceptive punch exclaimed, “Man, Harvard hates final clubs!” How droll.

Lamont Library’s soporific effect hits the café: Two undergrads were passed out by 5:11 p.m., a mere hour after its grand opening. Osmosis is the new studying.

A veteran UC rep with rumored presidential aspirations attends the first UC meeting wasted after the Owl punch.

A sophomore student allegedly e-mailed a professor in search of a good grade—in exchange for fellatio. Ad boarding is on the horizon.

Speaking of oral sex, the Harvard Women In Business (WIB) Facebook group had a somewhat salacious entry on its Facebook group profile. As of Tuesday, Oct. 16, under “Description,” the profile read “Through panels, conferences, outreach initiatives, fellatio skill-building workshops, leadership projects, mentorship programs, and social events, WIB seeks to expose undergraduate women to a variety of business careers.” Not sure when fellatio became a business career, but its figurative sense has always been a time-honored part of the recruiting process.

Also, continuing with the penis theme, a randy sophomore put a picture of herself on Facebook. In it, she is touching a penis.

The Toscanini’s barista crew put in an appearance at the Advo’s Friday the 13th bash last weekend.

An entire wedding party crashed the Kong for celebratory Scorpion Bowls and shots on Saturday night. The bride was graduated from Dartmouth. Obviously.

Finally, Crazy Doughs offered coupons for two free slices of pizza and soda—but patrons seeking to cash in on the deal had a rude discovery: They had to sign up for a Discover Card before getting their eats.