A Year in Shame

You know what really grinds my gears? I have written this whole semester about things that irritate me, yet I have only had enough space to expose a miniscule fraction of the stupid shenanigans that are annoying at best and at worst stink up our campus reputation like the rank vents surrounding the Garage on Mount Auburn Street.

Thus I offer this final column of the semester as an airing of the choicest 10 pieces of dirty laundry from the past year that I have yet to cover. Think of this “can’t stand it” list as my secular, non-judgmental holiday present to readers that hints ever so mildly at potential resolutions for the New Year:

10. Undergraduate Council (UC) shuttles to Logan Airport. This one doubly frustrates me because these shuttles that transport students during holidays are not only useless, but they are popular too. They also hemorrhage money and leave many would-be riders behind due to overcrowding. Using the new Silver Line train from South Station is only marginally slower, costs $1.25, and allows passengers to leave whenever is convenient rather than every other hour. For those who are too delicate to use public transportation I offer another solution: have the UC set up a system to coordinate cab sharing, allowing groups of four to get to the airport easily for about $8.

9. The “Green Cup” Award. I certainly support energy and resource conservation, but this award, which offers prizes to Houses that reduce usage and engage in special projects, does nothing of the sort. If anything it encourages binge resource use one year to facilitate drastic reductions the next. But more likely it simply inspires indifference. Additionally I can’t help but question the accuracy of the Green Campus Initiative’s data. My freshman year, every single dorm registered massive increases in energy use because of the year’s harsh winter compared with the previous mild one. Somehow—miraculously—Weld managed a huge reduction. Also, the 2003-2004 data shows many weeks where supposedly not a single can was recycled in my house. I’ll be darned if someone saw me throw away any aluminum.

8. Charlesview Apartment residents. Tenants who currently live in what will become a keystone area of the planned University expansion across the river in Allston need to shut up. They constantly complain about their impending relocation to new subsidized facilities in a housing market they frankly cannot afford. The tenants don’t own the property and have no standing to whine about walking an extra block to the bus. Or anything really.

7. Tactless law professors. Closely following the death of Chief Justice William Rehnquist, Frankfurter Professor of Law Alan M. Dershowitz decided to pen a vicious piece calling the late Justice a “Republican thug” and accusing him of participating in bigoted acts like “heil-Hitlering” in front of Jewish students while at law school. This story has not been independently corroborated and the fact that major media outlets largely gave it little credence sadly demonstrates the waning influence of the great scholar.

6. Erin Brockovich baloney. The School of Public Health (SPH) may have damaged its reputation when it gave its most prestigious award to the famed environmental activist, despite an outcry from scientists that her famous lawsuits were not backed by sound research. In acknowledging the controversy surrounding her receipt, SPH Dean Barry R. Bloom basically dismissed the “casual uncertainty” issues and focused on Brockovich’s supposedly moral aims, which—although he didn’t mention it—incidentally made her tons of money through dubious litigation. What a great message for public health: science doesn’t matter, just good intentions.

5. BoLoCo’s nauseating name change. This may seem trivial, but “The Wrap” was an iconic Harvard Square restaurant, and its new incarnation as BoLoCo facilitated by pricey consultants will force me never to enter its doors again. “The Wrap” screamed fresh, healthy food. “BoLoCo” sounds like a Mexican bathroom cleaning product.

4. Arrogant sports fans. It’s uncool to talk about SATs. We’re embarrassed to even say where we go to school when asked, instead trying for “oh, a school in Boston.” Yet at sporting events we have no problem chanting “safety school” or “Where is Lehigh?” GQ Magazine noticed and named Harvard in the top 10 for worst fans. We should be ashamed.

3. Bank haters. With the seemingly endless procession of new money machines and smiling tellers, some have bemoaned the Square’s loss of character. Unfortunately these foolish people fail to realize that the one thing worse than no restaurants, shops, or clubs is ATM fees.

2. December 26. Some may have thought that the last vestiges of Puritanism in Massachusetts were repealed when Mormon Governor Mitt Romney signed a bill allowing for Sunday alcohol sales. They were wrong. The law still prohibits selling on Monday if Christmas is on Sunday. All of you who stayed in the Bay State over the break are suckers. Watch out for December 26, 2011. You’d better stock up.

1.Top-10 lists. They’re uncreative, don’t flow well for the reader, and are padded with frivolous items to squeeze out a full 10. They are also devoid of any irony.



John W. Hastrup ’06 is a government concentrator in Dunster House. His column appears regularly.