Planning for Hilarity

Free stuff is good 365 days of the year. For shopping period this year, Harvard University Health Services (UHS) and the Office of the Dean of the College designed free day-planners for any and all undergrads who would take one. The planners were distributed by Community Health Initiative reps, who, with their never-ending supply of slap bracelets, are quickly becoming fixtures of House life. The planners are incredibly useful for Harvard students and their million and one activities each day. Furthermore, the planners encourage dialogue about sex, mental illnesses, drugs, and gender issues. The sections in the back of the planner dedicated to these issues are thorough, containing useful information as well as people and groups to contact with questions.

Despite these many wonderful features, the planner does have some advice and comments that are funny, ironic, or just plain bewildering. So while we do not want to seem critical of the planner, we would be remiss if we did not point out some of the book’s more interesting aspects.

One of the planner’s more curious suggestions is to “talk to complete strangers.” Only at a place like Harvard would administrators have to coax students into interacting with their peers. But the advice that follows shows that the administration is perhaps as socially inept as the student body. The planner continues: “Talk to complete strangers in the dining hall and the library.” The library seems an odd place to begin a conversation with someone you don’t know.

“Hi, I’m Jack. Do you mind if I talk to you?”

“I have an Ec midterm in 10 minutes.”

What’s more, some of the possible topics for discussion the planner suggests are food and the weather. And this is all intended to get students to learn about race, culture, and ethnicity.

“So, the food’s really awful tonight.”

“Yeah, I’m so tired of eating chicken.”

Very awkward silence.

“So it’s getting cold out.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Well, it was nice talking to you since you’re Indian.”

“I’m Pakistani.”

“Oh.”

While encouraging Harvard students to walk up to any random student at any random moment, the planner’s writers seem terrified of us meeting someone who doesn’t attend Harvard. The planner states, “Never invite a person whom you have met on the street, in a bar, or in another public place back to your room.” Following this logic would negate one of the main reasons for going to Harvard: the H-Bomb. How else is a Harvard guy supposed to get some action if he can’t drop one to some girl from BU? No, seriously, how? Some of our editors want to know.

But if you’re stuck with allergies, you apparently shouldn’t even go outside unless it’s early morning or late afternoon. Maybe now professors will finally accept histamines as an excuse for missing paper deadlines.

Then there are the national days the planner chose to recognize. Interestingly, National Depression Screening Day is followed by World Smile Day, because there’s no better way to get out of a funk than following the advice of a wacky holiday.

Oct. 19 is Evaluate Your Life Day. Maybe National Depression Screening Day should have followed that.

Nov. 17 is Queer Thanksgiving. Even a Google search didn’t reveal what Queer Thanksgiving entailed (Carson and the Queer Eye Gang had their Thanksgiving spectacular on the 23rd last year, so that possibility is out. Pun not intended). In completely unrelated news, March 26 is Make Up Your Own Holiday Day.

Finally, Nov. 20 is Name Your PC Day. Apparently, this gives us the opportunity to call our computers something besides POS. Why didn’t we buy a Mac?

All in all, the planner is a wonderful creation. It is useful, and it will open dialogue on many important and unimportant issues. And when worse comes to worse and Harvard students are really bored, we can always turn to it for a chuckle (Preferably on April 14. That’s International Moment of Laughter Day).