Reality Click

Even before their arrival in Cambridge, the Class of 2009 had "written their exploits in the stars..." at least according to one of their facebook.com groups. With their profanity-filled groups such as the now famous "whoever said Harvard social life sucked forgot about the class of 2009" and "Freshman Guys Looking For Older Women To Take Advantage of Them," the freshmen have shown that they know nothing.

Having weathered a few years at Harvard, though, we can offer the obviously eager freshmen an important lesson: There are not that many friendly people at Harvard, and the fact that your facebook friends number close to 1,000 does not negate this. We would be lying if we upperclassmen denied feeling a twinge of envy towards freshmen, here not even a full week, boasting twice the number of "friends" as we have. But it's really not much of an accomplishment. The only time were invariably friendly at Harvard is on our resumes and our facebook profiles. The only person ever to reject our friend request was Harvard-education-jonesing Hilary Duff. Its easy for 2009'ers to troll the facebook for friends. They'll find it significantly harder in real life; unless they dodge the freshman fifteen, that is. Then they can be our friends.

Some upperclassmen just aren't as welcoming as we are. They've responded to 2009's legions of facebook whores with groups like the vicious "Holy shit the class of 2009 should perform a David Koresh-style mass suicide," complete with a Goya painting of Saturn devouring his young. A quote from the group warns first-years that prefects may "poison [their] study break fare with arsenic or tricky laxatives." We're just trying to get all of them quadded.

So freshmen, welcome to Harvard. Beneath it's fluffy, chocolaty, facebook exterior, this Hostess Ho Ho is full of sour cream. Its not the real world, but inside the bubble its just about as mean. Don't friend us.