Learning To Manipulate

“So what do you do exactly?” asked my mother.

“I don’t really do anything per se,” I replied. “I mainly just tell other people what to do.”

I had just gotten home for my first visit since accepting my new job as the manager of a student-run publications company, and naturally, my mother couldn’t wait to quiz me about work. When I accepted the job, I thought my extensive experience with newspapers would help, but I quickly found that being a manager was less about producing publications than it was about making sure that other people produced publications.

This caused a number of difficulties. Firstly, the questions from well-meaning but inquisitive people (such as my mother) were never-ending. Upon hearing my new title, they would ask, “So do you write books?” No, not at all. “Oh, so you edit them.” No, not really. “So...uh...” An awkward pause ensues as they try desperately to think of what else I could possibly be doing. A light bulb suddenly goes on: “So you sell ads so you can finance publishing all these books!” Uh, not that either. Sorry...

Basically, a lot of well-meaning but inquisitive people (such as my mother) think that I do nothing. But that’s not nearly as painful as some of the feelings of uselessness that I’ve inflicted upon myself. There are frequently days when I go into work at 9:00 a.m. and don’t take a break until 5:00 p.m., when I’m supposed to go home. But despite needing a bath and a nap for my tired body, I am nagged by a persistent feeling that I hadn’t done anything. Telling other people what to do doesn’t translate into feeling like you’ve done anything yourself.

But these difficulties are nothing compared to the ultimate horror-of-horrors in the business of managing people: being tactful.

I am, by nature, unabashedly blunt. As my roommates (or better yet, certain of their more unfortunate past male acquaintances) will attest, I have a difficult time hiding my disdain for people I don’t like or respect. In my personal life, I’ve gotten away with shunning unpalatable people. Among my roommates, it’s become a joke that’s recounted in the long nights before tests or after boy-jerks.

But at work, things become much more complicated. While I may not like certain people, I still have to work with them everyday. While I may not agree with certain actions, I still have to live with their consequences.

I once asked my boss for advice on dealing with people. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: How do you make people you don’t like do what you want instead of what they want? And how do you do it in such a way that they end up liking you?

Boss: You have to be the bigger person. Even when you’re frustrated with a person, you have to make yourself see their non-frustrating side.

[I wrinkle my nose and narrow my eyes.]

Boss: Okay, or you have to force yourself to find their non-frustrating side.

Me: But what do you say to them to make them do what you want?

Boss: You have to always balance what you want to say by what they are willing to hear. In the end, you never quite say what you mean.

Me: So you lie to them.

Boss: Well, not exactly...You just make them think you’re saying something different than you are.

Me: So you manipulate them.

Boss: No. [Pause.] Well, kind of.

Me: Are you manipulating me now?

Boss: [Nervous laugh.]

He never did answer. It’s a joke now (I call him the Manipulator and he calls me a Cold B****). It’s funny (kind of), but every once in a while, I’m still troubled by the lesson that I’m painfully swallowing. As I look back, being tactless always had a tradeoff, but the price I had to pay was always worth being able to say the things I wanted to say. But now, at least at work, I find that I can no longer afford the price of that strangely exhilarating freedom.

So slowly, I’m learning to manipulate...I mean...manage others. And for that, a lot of well-meaning and inquisitive people (especially my mother) are glad.

Irene Y. Sun ‘07, a history and science concentrator in Mather House, is design chair of The Crimson. She wrote this postcard to manipulate you into thinking she likes to manipulate people.