Amazing!

Just when you thought life couldn’t get any better, someone invented a vending machine that puts out—fresh, hot pizza. Could there be anything sexier?

Brown University recently installed a few of these hot numbers on campus, and Harvard students are left drooling over the possibilities. The machine, made in Italy, comes with frozen nine-inch pizzas that it both heats and dishes out for $5 a pop.

“Dude, it’s so good,” says Lauren Engel, a sophomore at Brown. “They have three of them around campus. It takes four minutes and voilà—pizza!” While there is no need to kiss the cook, compliments to the engineer.

With the arrival of this titillating culinary experience comes an alarming realization: there is a shocking lack of vending machine diversity on the Harvard campus. While other universities enjoy their personal pizzas and vacuum delivered ice creams, Harvard students are left with stale pretzels and flat Cherry Coke. Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper exists, but we aren’t tasting it.

The machine comes from Wonder Pizza USA, the company with exclusive American distribution rights to this invention, already popular across Europe. These mammoth machines weigh nearly 1,200 lbs and cost $20,000—only half of one year of Harvard tuition.

So, Zac Corker, you know what might be cheaper—and more fun—than a permanent pub? Buy us a pizza machine.