The Triumph of Red Sox Nation

It’s going to be a bad year for Jack Nicholson. First he rooted for the Los Angeles Lakers as they took their dramatic fall in the NBA Championships. Then on Tuesday he was spotted at the first game of the American League Championship Series (ALCS) cheering for the New York Yankees. Sadly, he’s picked the wrong team yet again. Because this year, another overpaid dynasty will take its last breath as the Boston Red Sox finally overcome their mental “curse” to beat the Yankees.

Some might have their doubts after the Red Sox dropped the first two games to New York, 10-7 and 3-1. But, doubters, allay your fears; it was by design. Beating the Yankees to win the ALCS (on the way to the first world series victory since 1918, of course) is the ultimate sports fairy tale. And how can the Red Sox create a truly inspiring story if the team simply shuts out the opposition? By falling behind, the Red Sox have created the dramatic tension to make the inevitable victory that much sweeter.

Besides, doubting the Red Sox after their losing two games is ridiculous. Though they came out swinging in the ALCS last year, beating New York in the first game, the Yankees won two in a row right after that. And that series went to seven games and in the final game, 11 innings, when only a fluke homerun from Aaron Boone could give the victory to the Yankees. Unfortunately, Aaron Boone won’t be there to help out this time, as he sits knee-injured with the Cleveland Indians. Yes, the Cleveland Indians. That’s gratitude for you.

So now we come to the ultimate reason that the Yankees will not win this series. The Red Sox, unlike the pampered princesses sitting on their $182.8 million payroll, not only have the heart, but they’re tough and ready to fight. While George Steinbrenner forbids his team from having any facial hair—though it’s doubtful the Little Lord Fauntleroys could grow any if they tried—the Red Sox are busy maintaining a variety of beards and eccentric hairstyles, proving not only that they have personality but that they are real men as they showcase their own take on rugged individualism.

Of course, there’s no question that Boston can fight. Alex Rodriguez’s reaction to a slight nick in the arm from a Bronson Arroyo pitch this July—those Yankees sure are sensitive—started quite a brawl, and though Yankee Tanyon Sturtze tried to grab Gabe Kapler’s head, it was ultimately Sturtze who ended up bruised and battered on the ground. Maybe the Yankees just like to get pounded; who can forget former Yankees bench coach and generally unhinged malcontent Don Zimmer getting thrown to the ground after he charged Pedro Martinez last year?

Besides, the Red Sox are 11-8 against the Yankees this year, and they made fine work of sweeping the Anaheim Angels. And they’ve also decided to go old-school. Really old-school, back to the five championships they won between 1903 and 1918. Because while “Cowboy Up” seemed a slightly strange choice for a Boston anthem, the Red Sox have picked a winner in this year’s “Tessie.” It was chosen as a battle cry in 1903 by The Royal Rooters, a group of fans from South Boston who sang the Broadway tune to annoy the opposition, and it worked. This year, “Tessie” has been recorded by the Irish punk-rock band, The Dropkick Murphys—and you can’t get much tougher or more Boston than that. To top it off, Johnny Damon, Bronson Arroyo and Lenny Dinardo sing backup vocals on the track.

No, the true losers here are the New York Yankees fans. It’s sad when you’re born into an allegiance that forces you to actually root for the evil empire—as many New Yorkers seem to feel they must. We can only imagine the painstaking mental work Yankees fans have to do to wipe off the smarm that comes from supporting a bunch of pretty-boys go through the motions—just in case you forgot, the Yankees, supposed superstars, haven’t actually won a World Series since 2000. But the Red Sox will provide relief from this affliction—New York’s fans won’t have to root for the Yankees in this year’s World Series.

The Red Sox story is a cinematic dream and, like all good movies, the underdog will triumph in the end. And what better final scene will there be than the party to end all parties that will occur in the streets of Boston following victory? Remember, it took three movies to finally destroy the last Death Star, and Boston’s previous meetings with New York were merely warm-ups. Red Sox fans have nothing to worry about. Johnny Damon will recapture his mental edge, Curt Schilling will fight through his ankle injury and the spirit of Boston will prevail with the Sox playing on home turf tonight, as screaming fans do their best to prove that “Boston’s tenth man could not be wrong” and “Tessie” can work again.